Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

YOU FOOLS

Okay. Those who know me know all too well my love-hate relationship with Cheez-It Twisterz brand food snacks.

The love: Cheez-Its are good, and these are good Cheez-Its spinoffs. They're tasty, crunchy, relatively low in sodium and fat for a food snack, and their unusual shape and raw texture makes it hard to binge on them. The horrible weltering heartburn I get from the delicious Hot Wings & Cheesy Blue flavor is a small price to pay for the yum factor.

The hate: Okay, here's the 'concept' (like shitty Hollywood movies, food snacks have 'concepts'). Twisterz are, just like the copy says, "2 bold tastes" which have been "twisted together". Okay, fine. That's fine. But here's the thing: until very recently, there were two different varieties of Twisterz:

1. Hot Wings & Cheesy Blue. The two bold tastes: buffalo wing sauce and blue cheese. Delightful, toothsome, and very much in line with the concept.

2. Cheddar & More Cheddar.

AAAAARGH. Okay, look, you lazy motherfuckers at the Sunshine Biscuit company: cheddar and more cheddar is not two flavors. It's one flavor twice. It's not the same thing. It's just the same fucking flavor two times. You have an entire universe of flavors to choose from, and within the very simple premise of your new gimmick food snack, you only have to pick tow . AND YOU CAN'T EVEN DO THAT. You just pick one, and then duplicate it? That's beyond being a lazy sack of shit. That's not even trying anymore.

Anyway, the point is, they finally came up with a third variety. It's called Cheddar & Cool Ranch. And hey! That's actually two different flavors! So mission accomplished, right?

On the side of the box, it says "TRY OUR OTHER GREAT TWISTERZ BRAND: CHEDDAR AND MORE CHEDDAR!". So, faced with the possibility of finally getting rid of their flagrant error, they chose instead to discontinue the one that was not only better-tasting, but which actually conceptually fulfilled the requirement of the food snack. And they chose to keep the one that does not in fact have two flavors.

Sometimes I think there's nothing to believe in anymore.
Tags: crankery, eats
Subscribe

  • The Party of What People?

    This will be my last entry of 2016.  Next year will begin, barring some unexpected act of fate, with the ascension to the presidency of Donald…

  • Anno Terribilis

    2016, the little year that absolutely could not, is almost over, and with the exception of people for whom it was a raging success —…

  • Shalom and the Jewish Jesus

    Shalom Auslander got the best possible start on having a sickly fatalistic sense of humor:  he was a miserable Jew from the day he was born. As…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 4 comments