Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

Why I'm going to Hell, Part 436

theludickid: I feel certain you have important and insightful opinions in the matter of Terri Schiavo, indisputably the premier issue of our age. I merely await your guidance as to what I should think and say about this paramount matter.
CLCGamma: The people on the news keep reminding me that this is a reminder of how important it is to remind our family and loved ones about our wishes.
CLCGamma: So in the unlikely case that you become my guardian al leiter, the following are acceptable uses of my body:
A) Throw-pillow.
CLCGamma: (Given my size, probably more of a heave-pillow)
CLCGamma: B) Placemat.
CLCGamma: C) Weekend at Bernies-style fun.
CLCGamma: (Although I'm not sure what exactly I'd be useful for -- maybe you could use me to get into the math club.)
CLCGamma: D) Conceptual art.
CLCGamma: Any of those are fine, really.
CLCGamma: Oh, and if you want to smear "Free Palestine" on my ample stomach and hang me in right field during a Mariners game, that'd be okay too.
CLCGamma: As for Schiavo herself, I think we all need to respect the wishes of her dog, Sparkles.
theludickid: Well, I'm glad you clarified it for me.
CLCGamma: Here's the other thing.
CLCGamma: Let's assume we take the Michael Schiavo line that when her cerebral function ceases, she does.
CLCGamma: How does this affect:
CLCGamma: 1. Krakoa the Living Island?
CLCGamma: 2. Brainiac?
CLCGamma: 3. Dark Phoenix?
CLCGamma: A panel of experts could be assembled to argue that each of these three had, at some point, no cerebral function.
CLCGamma: And yet how much poorer would our lives be if we had erased them?
theludickid: I don't even want to think about the implications for Ego, the Living Planet.
CLCGamma: Yes.
theludickid: If only Terri Schiavo had killed someone before sliding into her vegetative state. We could have been spared so much pain.
CLCGamma: If they can give somebody anti-psychotics in order to make them sane enough to execute, we can surely pump something through her to make her jiggle when we electrocute her, right?
theludickid: Sure. And, given the sloppy overweight mess she's become since her anorexia-induced coma, she surely would welcome death.
theludickid: I'd also like to make it known that any verbalizations I make after suffering irreversible brain damage should be written down and sold in book form, under the title "Thursdays with Mortii".
CLCGamma: I have it on good authority that she didn't actually say, "I want to live," but rather, "I wanna wanna Fanta."
theludickid: Maybe she was trying to sing the immortal Ramones classic "I Don't Wanna Go Down in the Basement".
CLCGamma: That would explain a lot. Perhaps her parents are trying to put the tube in so that she can outlive the last of the Ramones.
CLCGamma: you should put in your living will that they can't unplug you until Black Francis goes.
theludickid: Personally, I hope that one of the many protesters outside her hospice is shot by a sherrif's deputy while trying to bring her a Krispy Kreme. And then he falls into a coma as a result of his wounds, and lingers on the edge of death for 15 years, and we are assured by his wife that his last wish was to die so he could go meet Jesus, but his family insists he wants to live to see Jesus actually return to Earth.
theludickid: BECAUSE I NEVER EVER WANT TO STOP HEARING ABOUT THIS CASE.
CLCGamma: I'm kind of enjoying it.
theludickid: I like to see the signs the protestors come up with.
CLCGamma: I am enjoying the way that Jeb Bush just can't get a break.
CLCGamma: When he sends lawmen down there to hook her up, the liberals scream and yell. Then when he doesn't go through with it, the crazies hold up "Save her, Jeb!" signs.
theludickid: And it's always fun to see Tom "I Killed My Own Father, But That Was Different" DeLay and Bill "I Think We Should Harvest Brain-Dead Babies for a New Source of Breakfast" Frist make asses of themselves.
CLCGamma: I'm looking forward to Peter Singer's new book, "Building Waterslides out of Coma Victims."
theludickid: And the hotly anticipated sequel, "Better Terri Than a Badger".
CLCGamma: I keep wondering what will happen if Terri doesn't die.
CLCGamma: If it turns into a whole Hanukkah thing.
CLCGamma: There was only body fat for seven days, but she lasted for thirty-six.
theludickid: It might be fun to make it an annual holiday. Like once a year, around Easter, they pull out her tube, and if she doesn't die before April Fool's Day, we get four more weeks of winter.
CLCGamma: Oh, that's an excellent idea.
CLCGamma: I have long felt that Easter was insufficiently secularized.
CLCGamma: Perhaps Terri could leave the kids eggs full of glucose.
theludickid: Yeah! And they drink it out of a little tube.

Please note: this conversation ended with us both lamenting how we don't feel up to being pointlessly offensive the way we used to when we were young.
Tags: im, laffs, news
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    This will be my last entry of 2016.  Next year will begin, barring some unexpected act of fate, with the ascension to the presidency of Donald…

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