Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator

Hello, my name is Dr. Greenthumb

"Bill, we need a big project for Justice. The press is coming down hard on us. The PEOPLE are coming down hard on us."

"I know, Mr. Ashcroft."

"We look soft. We can't afford to look soft. These are crisis times, Bill."

"I realize that. It's a problem of perception."

"Exactly. I mean, you know how hard we work."

"We're doing our damnedest, every day, Mr. Ashcroft."

"Language, Bill. I know you are. But they don't know that, out there. They look at the fact that we haven't made any major terror arrests...I mean, the GERMANS look more proactive, for goodness' sake."

"I know. It's about headlines."

"And we haven't been getting any. So let's hear some ideas."

"Well...child pornography always gets a lot of column-inches."

"It's not durable enough, Bill. It hasn't got any legs. The Brits love it because they're a salacious bunch but it doesn't carry over here."

"How about prostitution, or vice, or dirty movies?"

"Bill, you know I want to. But the press is already raking me over the coals over the whole statue of Justice thing. They don't know what it's like, to have her taunting and tempting me every day with her...with that THING of hers."

"I know, Mr. Ashcroft. Calm down, sir. What about the whole corporate crime situation? A crackdown there would be timely."

"Now you're just being ridiculous, Bill. No, what we need is to do something big, flashy. Something that we can justify a months-long investigation with lots of financial expenditures over. Something truly menacing, that will deflect criticism of our handling of the terror war. Something that will prop up our subsidiary agencies. Something that will focus the nation's attention on an issue so terrifying, so dangerous, so menacing to the American people that they'll stand behind us all the way."

"What did you have in mind, sir? Child abduction? Spousal abuse? Handgun death? Grand theft auto? Credit fraud?"

"Bongs. Definitely bongs."
Tags: laffs, politics

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