Ten things you have to believe this week to support the President: (1) that the power of the Congress to check the powers of the president is outdated and should be abolished; (2) that the best man to represent the U.S. to the United Nations is a man who has spent much of his career arguing for its abolition; (3) that the best man to advise the President on women's health issues is a man who repeatedly anally raped his wife; (4) that Tom DeLay's troubles are a figment of the media's imagination; (5) that a commitment to establishing freedom and abolishing dictatorship all over the world is not inconsistent with retaining Pakistan and Uzbekistan as allies; (6) that the responsibility for rioting and violence in two middle eastern nations can be traced to an article in an English-language news magazine; (7) that Social Security is in peril and can only be made right by increased private investment in the stock market; (8) that overall, the fact that more and more large companies are being allowed to default on their obligations to their workers is a good thing for those workers; (9) that Iraq and Afghanistan have become bastions of democracy; and (10) that a strong military policy can incorporate dozens of base closings and drastic cutting of veteran's benefits during wartime.
I was reading the original Legion of Super-Heroes stories in Superboy the other night, and one of the things that Supes does when he visits the 31st century is to visit an ice cream parlor. (Apparently, the writers were so enchanted with this idea, they used it again when Supergirl travels to the future, although she gets an even lamer line when it happens. "Write the girl dumber," you can hear the editors say, "we don't want to make Superboy look bad.") But it's not just any ice cream parlor, oh no! It's a crazy futuristic space ice cream parlor! And, in the detail that really kills me, they have NINE FLAVORS -- one from each planet in the solar system. Leaving aside what these flavors may have been (what's Jupiter going to have, Frozen Liquid Hydrogen Cup?), how fucking lame is that? NINE goddamn flavors? Baskin-Robbins has thirty-one, and that's just from one planet! In a thousand years, you'd think the number of available ice cream flavors would go up, not down. Sucks to your crappy century, Legion of Super-Heroes.*
The least surprising story of the year award goes to...
*: There's also a bit about how Superboy goes to see a bunch of school kids, and they're learning -- in class -- about Superboy. And the teacher has a robot that looks like Superboy who lifts a hundred tons to prove how strong Superboy was. WHAT THE FUCK CLASS WAS THIS? Civics? Algebra?