Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator

My homeland feels more securer than everer

Okay, sure, he looks a little bizarre. But that's not a crime! If it was, half my friends list would be in jail! It's not like the guy was trying to cross the border with a bunch of weapons and a bloody chainsaw!

Oh, wait.

This really is an amazing article:

Bill Anthony, a spokesman for U.S. Customs and Border Protection, said the Canada-born Despres could not be detained because he is a naturalized U.S. citizen and was not wanted on any criminal charges on the day in question.

"Besides," added Anthony, "it's not like he was a raghead or a wog or something."

"Nobody asked us to detain him," Anthony said. "Being bizarre is not a reason to keep somebody out of this country or lock them up."

"Unless you're a wog or a raghead or a spic or a Chink or something," he noted.

Anthony conceded it "sounds stupid" that a man wielding what appeared to be a bloody chain saw could not be detained. But he added: "Our people don't have a crime lab up there. They can't look at a chain saw and decide if it's blood or rust or red paint."

"I mean," he further explained, "if we arrest this crazy-looking guy with a hatchet, a sword, a knife, brass knuckles, and a chain saw, and it turns out that it's just red paint on his chain saw instead of blood, then we'd look pretty stupid."

In state court the next day, Despres told a judge that he is affiliated with NASA and was on his way to a Marine Corps base in Kansas at the time of his arrest.

By "affiliated with NASA", presumably, he means "from outer space". Also, there are no Marine Corps bases in Kansas.

After the case was transferred to federal court, Despres' attorney, Michael Andrews, questioned whether his client is mentally competent.

Now there's a defense attorney with a lot on the ball!

Fulton's friends in Minto, a village of 2,700 people, told the New Brunswick Telegraph-Journal that he was a popular musician, a guitarist known as the "Chet Atkins of Minto" and a 2001 inductee in the Minto Country Music Wall of Fame.

Okay, I don't wanna disrespect the dead or anything, but the guy had to wait until he was seventy years old to make the "Country Music Wall of Fame" in a town of less than three thousand people? How much competition could there have been?
Tags: news

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