Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator

I need a shower, a vodka lemonade, and about ten hours of sleep, in no particular order

Man, this day has sucked in about every way it is possible for a day to suck. Oh, sure, I didn't die of cancer or have my leg torn off by a badger, but I did forget to bring home some cardboard boxes! Who feels my pain? Also in the con column, I miss my girlfriend, my foot hurts, and my work day was generally miserable. On the plus side, though, I got a bunch of writing done tonight, I came one step closer to actually getting paid for some writing I already did a while back, and I made some pretty decent BBQ rib tips.

You know what joke I really like? The "Philip Philip Philip Philip Glass Glass Glass Glass" joke. Although Glass has actually grown on me to the point that I kinda like him now, that's just a great, perfect joke: it's smart (because you have to know something about the guy's music and reputation to get it), it's funny, and it's a unique kind of a joke, using the way you say/write something as a parody of the thing you're talking about. There's probably a name for that, but I'm too out of it to remember what it is. I also tried briefly to come up with some of my own, but that didn't go very far, because all my brains leaked out over the course of the day and now I am very, very stupid.

Catching up on that DC timeline thing, I learned what's been happening lately in the retarded world of comics. Boy, those writers sure do like killing thousands of people at a time, don't they? Almost as much as they like killing the female loved ones of their main characters. Way to up the ante, guys! Way to combat those stereotypes about the diseased misogynist/revenge-fantasy psyche of the typical comics reader! I remember the old days, when the protagonist's job was to prevent things like this from happening. Oh well! So long, San Diego; hasta la vista, Ascenscion. You suck, comics.

I'm at the point now where I think Deadwood is so goddamn (cocksucking) good that I'm sorely tempted to buy the DVD of season one, but maaaaan, HBO, you overprice the shit out of those things. It still makes no sense to me that the most expensive DVD sets come from a network you have to pay for in the first place. I guess I'll save my money for a new couch or something instead. (Ha ha! What money?)

Hey, there's another Funny Ha-Ha coming up in August, and hey, I'll be reading at it. I'll be funny there, I promise, funny like I'm not here. And on that note, good night, moon, good night, June, and good night, this list of ways to improve so-called "classic" novels:

1. To the Lighthouse -- vampires
2. Our Lady of the Flowers -- vampire ninjas
3. Guignol's Band -- vampire ninja robots
4. Everything Falls Apart -- vampire ninja robot monkeys
5. Omensetter's Luck -- vampire ninja robot monkeys, also maybe a more subtle portrayal of the nature of Rev. Furber's violent tendencies
6. Death Comes for the Archbishop -- blowjobs
7. Ulysses -- more blowjobs
8. Atlas Shrugged -- just one blowjob would lighten the mood considerably
9. Less than Zero -- less blowjobs
10. Gravity's Rainbow -- the main character should pop a boner every time the Nazis are about to launch a V2 missile strike on London

Oh, wait, scratch that last one.
Tags: diary

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