SWEARINGEN: God rest the souls of that poor family...and pussy's half-price for the next 15 minutes.
HAMLET: To be or not to be? That is the question: whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them."
SWEARINGEN: Pain or damage don't end the world, or despair, or fuckin' beatings. The world ends when you're dead. 'Til then you've got a lot more punishment in store. So stand it like a man, and give some back.
CAESAR: What can be avoided whose end is purposed by the mighty gods? Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once."
SWEARINGEN: "They butt into other peoples' business and make the business of others their own, these bought-out, no-good cocksuckers."
HAMLET: "How now? A rat? Dead now for a ducat, dead!"
CALAMITY JANE: "I'm drunk, correct. What the fuck is it to you?"
TOUCHSTONE: "We that are true lovers run into strange capers; but as all is mortal in nature, so is all in nature in love mortal in folly."
TRIXIE: "Tread lightly, who lives in hope of pussy."
MACBETH: "I go, and it is done: the bell invites me. Hear it not, Duncan, for it is a knell that summons thee to heaven or to hell."
TOM NUTTALL: "My bicycle masters boardwalk and quagmire with aplomb. Those that doubt me suck cock by choice."
SHYLOCK: "I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? Are we not fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that."
SWEARINGEN: "Wave a penny under the Jew's nose. If they got living breath in them, it brings them right around."
HAMLET: "What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason! Hw infinite in faculties! In form and moving, how express and admirable! In action how like an angel! In apprehension, how like a god! The beauty of the world! The paragon of animals! And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me; no, nor woman neither, though by your smiling you seem to say so."
CALAMITY JANE: "Aw, is that so? That is too bad! Join the fuckin' club of most of us!"
ORSINO: "If music be the food of love, play on; give me excess of it, that, surfeiting, the appetite may sicken and so die."
SWEARINGEN: "If I bleat when I speak it's because I just got fuckin' fleeced."
HAMLET: "O villain, villain, smiling, damned villain!"
FARNUM: "God damned quagmire of piss and bullshit!"
HAMLET: "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."
SWEARINGEN: "In life you have to do a lot of things you don't fucking want to do. Many times, that's what the fuck life is: one vile fucking task after another."
PROSPERO: "Why, that's my dainty Ariel! I shall miss thee; but yet thou shalt have freedom. So, so, so."
SWEARINGEN: "Get a fucking haircut. Looks like your mother fucked a monkey."
MALVOLIO: "Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them."
ELLSWORTH: "I may have fucked up my life flatter'n hammered shit, but I stand here before you today beholden to no human cocksucker, and holdin' a workin' fuckin' gold claim, and not the U.S. government tellin' me I'm trespassin', or the savage fuckin' red man, or any of these other limber-dick cocksuckers passin' themselves off as prospectors, had better try and stop me."
RICHARD III: "Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this sun of York; and all the clouds that lowered upon our house in the deep bosom of the ocean buried. Now are our brows bound with victorious wreaths, our bruised arms hung up for monuments, our stern alarums changed to merry meetings, our dreadful marches to delightful measures. Grim-visaged war hath smooth'd his wrinkled front; and now, instead of mounting barded steeds to fright the souls of fearful adversaries, he capers nimbly in a lady's chamber to the lascivious pleasing of a lute."
SWEARINGEN: "I want to know who cut the fucking cheese."