Week ending 07/17/2005
31 incidents of jawin’ with intent to slanderfy.
26 incidents of reported sinful doin’s involving minors, blood kin, livestock and tree hollers
16 incidents of a-whoopin’ and a-hollerin’.
9 lynchings without a permit
8 incidents of Katie-bar-the-door Saturday night dust-ups.
6 incidents of ee-legal tar fars.
4 incidents of bootleggin’ shine without thems ain’t got no papers.
3 incidents of turnin’ a squirrel-iron on a revenuer.
1 attempted hold-up of that store down to the city where all the money is at.
1 incident of computer-aided wire fraud and international margin trading to conceal taxable investment income (that damn Hettieburg kid again)