Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

You mean state UNfair

You know what I hate about working out? It's so addictive. Whenever I go a lot, like I've been doing lately, I always feel really good afterwards, but if I skip one day, I feel like the fattest man in the Fatso Corners neighborhood of Fat City, in the great state of Fatsylvania in the fateastern corner of the United States of Fatmerica. I think it's all a scam by the endorphin industry to get us hooked on their products, now available in Slurpee form (try the new Frosted Chemo-Burst and Sour Perspinana-Berry flavors) at your local 7-11.

Anyway, my gal ninafarina and I are going to take Li'l' Duce to the Minnesota State Fair next weekend. I'm really excited about it, because I am six years old and think state fairs are awesome. I've never been to the Illinois state fair since it's way the fuck down in Springfield, and the Arizona state fair was always a bit cactus- and imperialism-focused for my tastes, but I basically love the whole concept. Given that I am a fun-hating, Disneyland-despising, cold lump of mean, I become functionally retarded when faced with state fairs, Christmas and comic books, which is proof of something, probably that I am autistic or perhaps just stupid. Anyway, here's a poll:


Poll #558793 It's a fair cop

What is the most totally awesome thing about state fairs?

Corn dogs
2(4.9%)
Sculptures made of butter
1(2.4%)
Cows, generally
3(7.3%)
Rodeo clowns
1(2.4%)
Overabundance of hay
0(0.0%)
Rides that are designed to make you vom
0(0.0%)
Fresh-faced teenaged girls who have just been named "Miss Northwestern McAllister County Manure Queen"
1(2.4%)
Recipe contests/cookoffs/eating competitions
1(2.4%)
Petting zoos
1(2.4%)
Local industry pavilions
0(0.0%)
Wall-to-wall fatties
1(2.4%)
Getting high and trying to hold a conversation with the people at that one booth who want everyone to speak Flemish, or vote for Lyndon LaRouche, or something
2(4.9%)
A steadfast determination to fry and eat anything that can possibly be fried and eaten
10(24.4%)
Watching the politicians pretend they're enjoying themselves
1(2.4%)
State fairs suck, dude
1(2.4%)

What other thing am I forgetting that makes state fairs totally awesome?

Tags: polls
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  • The Party of What People?

    This will be my last entry of 2016.  Next year will begin, barring some unexpected act of fate, with the ascension to the presidency of Donald…

  • Anno Terribilis

    2016, the little year that absolutely could not, is almost over, and with the exception of people for whom it was a raging success —…

  • Shalom and the Jewish Jesus

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