Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator

More from the New Bad-Ass Version of the Bible

“Sometimes I come around here, you know, I’m just trying to get something to eat, maybe a beer, and somebody gotta say ‘Oh, look at Fat-Ass over there, he’s drunk again, he’s hanging out with skags, he’s just a tool of the Man’. Well, who’s right, bitches? Who’s right? Yeah, that’s what I thought.” (Matthew 11:19)

“If a couple of dudes are getting into it, you know, like mixing it up raw, and one of their bitches comes over and helps out her man by latching on to the other dude’s sack? You should totally cut her hand off. That’s what you should do.” (Deuteronomy 25:11-12)

“So, like, everyone hit the sack, right? But all these faggots come over and they’re all ‘Hey, Lot, what’s with those dudes who are at your house? They’re super fine Send ‘em out here because we want to do them. Do them up the ass.’ And Lot is all like, ‘No way man, that’s totally gross. Check this out: I have two daughters, and they’re both VIRGINS! Dig that! Y’all can do whatever you want with them, I’m serious. Like get all nasty in there. I don’t even care. But, like, leave the dudes alone, because, ew.” (Genesis 19:4-8)

“You know what would be cool, is if some dude bones another dude’s wife – like, his neighbor’s wife or something? Is if you killed them. Both of them. Yeah, do that.” (Leviticus 20:10)

“Dudes who have their dicks cut off? Or, like, there’s something wrong with their nuts? I don’t even want those motherfuckers near me.” (Deuteronomy 21:1)
Tags: jeebus, laffs

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