Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator

This nation's saving grace

So, reading Calamity Jon's latest installment of Gone and Forgotten -- which dealt with the Marvel Contest of Champions and its accompanying lame international superheroes (like The Collective Man, Arabian Knight, Shamrock, etc.) who were little more than cartoon embodiments of the generic American ethnic stereotypes about the countries they came from -- got me to thinking: there's a lot of work Marvel has left undone. And as you know, there's no two things I like more than comic books and ethnic stereotyping. So let's consider the world's forgotten superheroes who got left out of COC. Since they utterly offended both of my ethnic halves with the wack Shamrock and the downright loathesome Arabian Knight, I feel they owe me. I'll drop a trey of examples:

LA MANO NERA. Italy's #1 superhero, 'The Black Hand' fights evil with his daring combination of natty, well-tailored suits and brutal gangland violence. Civilian identity: spokesman for Barilla pasta. Cannot seem to get the better of his old foe, Ethiop. Forms a superhero team every few years, but it tends to collapse into squabbling withing weeks. Constantly feuding with El Dominicano over who gets to wear the sleeveless t-shirt.

MADEMOISELLE SUISSE. Tends not to get involved in crimefighting too heavily, but is well-liked by heroes and villains alike for her financial acumen. Has amazing power to survive huge battles despite never taking sides. Trilingual. Vulnerable to Kryptonite, vehicle emissions, gold bullion. Denies having torrid affair with Captain Nazi in the 1940s.

KIM CHEE. Official protector of the Korea peninsula is a brilliant student with the power to split into two halves which then bicker and fight with each other for years on end. May have power to launch nuclear dealth-blasts, and then again, may not. Constant distraction to Captain America. Holds grudges against all other regional superheroes. Arch-foe, Devil Dog, has not been seen in several years.

Now you try! It's free! It's fun! It's horribly offensive!
Tags: comics, geek, laffs

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