It is the sincere belief of the Board of Directors of FUABA that the best time to solve problems is before they start, and the best way to solve problems is by hitting them (with moderate force, repeatedly, or once, very hard). We, the undersigned, pledge to do everything within our mandate to punch, hit, strike, clout, bash, jab and even clobber anyone who might benefit from such a broad-based program of forward-thinking beatings.
Individual and cause-centered programs that fall under the aegis of FUABA include: Protect Our Environment Or I’ll Knock Your Teeth Out (TN); Take Back The Night By Punching A Guy In His Cock (VA), The Get A Load Of This Jerk-Off Scholarship Fund (northern IL); Kidney Punches For Kids (NY, NJ, PA); The I Got Your Profit Margin Right Here Initiative (CA); The Knockin’ Motherfuckers Out For No Reason Urban Achievement Alliance (TX); and The How’s About A Nice Hawaiian/Alaskan Punch Coalition (AK, HI).
If these programs prove successful, we hope to branch out into other areas of violence-oriented social work, including kickings, sack beatings, rock-hurlings, forcible immersions, and the dropping of safes and/or pianos.
We hope you’ll join us in this exciting time.