Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

Three conversations from the weekend



CART WRANGLER: (approaches my car from out of the blue, gives me a look best described as a mixture of menacing and curious) Hello. Thanks for coming. It's good to see you.

ME: ...

CW: So, did you just get into town?

ME: Uh, no. I live here.

CW: Are you staying long?

ME: Actually, I'm leaving right now. To go visit someone in Minnesota. Um.

CW: Do you like it here? Are you just here for the holidays?

ME: I live here. But I am leaving. Right now.

CW: That's great.

ME: Ha ha ha! (drives away quickly)





ME: Just these mints, and also I'm on pump #7.

GAS STATION ATTENDANT: What's that?

ME: What?

GSA: What's it say on your wallet?

ME: Oh. It says 'Big Black'.

GSA: My friend has a wallet with something written on it like that, only it says 'Dork'.

ME: Well, that would probably work as well.

GSA: Do you know her?

ME: What?

GSA: How do you know she's a dork?

ME: No, I mean it would work well on my wallet.

GSA: Oh.

ME: Because I'm kind of a dork also.

GSA: $15.27, please.





LI'L DUCE: You draw me.

ME: I'll try. I can't draw, though.

LD: You draw me.

ME: Okay.

LD: You draw mommy.

ME: No way.

LD: Why?

ME: I may not be a smart man, kid, but I'm not dumb enough to draw mommy. Here, I'll draw something else.

LD: What's that?

ME: That's the Justice League.

LD: What's that?

ME: That's Superman.

LD: Superman. What's that?

ME: That's Green Lantern. Can you say Green Lantern?

LD: Geen Lattern. What's that?

ME: That's Wonder Woman.

LD: What's that?

ME: That's the Flash.

LD: Where Batman?

ME: There's Batman. I drew him even though he wasn't in the original Justice League. Because I hate Aquaman.

LD: Awaman. Batman like Awaman?

ME: I'm not sure. I guess they have their differences, but they get along.

LD: What's that?

ME: It's supposed to be the Flash, but it looks kinda like Weather Wizard.

LD: Who Wever Wizard?

ME: He's just some dingbat. He hangs around with the Flash.

LD: Wever Wizard like Flash?

ME: No, they don't like each other. They sometimes get into big punchouts, but Flash always wins because he's a hero.

LI'L' DUCE'S MOM: No one wins in a punchout, Annie.

ME: Don't listen to your mommy, Annie. She's crazy.

LD: Superman like Flash?

ME: Yes! They're friends.

LD: Why?

ME: Because they fight crime together.

LD: Like Flash. (begins putting caps of Magic Markers on fingertips; gives brown one a name) This Flash.

ME: Actually, that looks more like John Stewart, the black Green Lantern. But okay.

LD: (puts red cap on finger) This Superman.

ME: Awesome.

LD: (puts purple cap on finger) This Batman.

ME: Okay.

LD: (puts blue cap on finger) This Batman.

ME: I thought the other one was Batman.

LD: This Batman.

ME: Okay, that's fine. That can be the Batman of Earth-2.

LD'SM: Why are there two Batmans?

ME: You don't really want to know that, do you? Because you're about two seconds away from the most boring conversation of your life.

LD'SM: You're right. I withdraw the question.

LD: Like Justice League.

ME: This is a red letter day, honey. Annie and I are having a long conversation about the Justice League. All of my parenting skills are going to be through a Justice League filter from here on out.

LD'SM: Greaaaaaat. (drinks heavily)

LD: Draw mommy.

ME: Forget it. I'm not doing that.

LD: Why?

ME: See that picture of Wonder Woman I drew?

LD: Yeah. Wunner Woman.

ME: That's why I'm not drawing mommy.

Tags: annie, diary
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