Instead, here are some random thoughts about mustard.
Mustard is my favorite condiment. I put mustard on many, many things, from the obvious (sausage, sandwiches) to the not-so-obvious (bread, French fries). I will pretty much try any condiment if it can be categorized as mustard. This weekend, I went to Treasure Island to buy groceries, and decided to flaunt the current trend of France-bashing by picking up a few French things. I got some chevre, some French lemonade, and a big crock of my favorite mustard in the world, Vilux Moutard de Dijon Extra-Forte. If you've only ever had American Dijon mustard like Grey Poupon and never tried real French Dijon (from Dijon), then you have no idea how strong -- and how incredibly good -- it is. And the Vilux extra-strong is the nuke of Dijon mustards; it's eye-tearing, sinus-clearing stuff, which I absolutely adore.
I also got something called "Jamaican Dread Black Mustard", which is indeed a black mustard. Well, it's black, at least, though it's really more like a chutney or a horseradish than a mustard. There's mustard seed in it, but it doesn't taste very mustardy, and there's Scotch bonnet pepper, but it isn't very spicy. It would probably be pretty decent in soup or on certain cooked meats, but I was a little disappointed in it. Also, it doesn't appear to actually be from Jamaica, but rather, is from Michigan.
My current favorite sauce -- in the running with mustard and HP Sauce as the best thing to put on food ever in the world -- is Huyfong Sriracha hot sauce. I bought a gigantic container of it a couple of weeks ago and am almost finished with it already. I have to watch myself, because I could easily become with Sriracha the way kids are with ketchup, putting it on everything imaginable and refusing to eat things not drowned in it.
Speaking of HP sauce, which I love almost as much as I love life itself, they came out with a curry sauce a while back. I picked some up, even though I'm not particularly fond of curry, because HP is one of the few brands I jettison my anticapitalist brand-loathing mentality in favor of. Yes, I know, I am a hypocrite. What can I tell you? HP sauce fucking rocks. Their regular HP is incredible and their HP steak sauce is better than any other commercial steak sauce I've eaten. Anyway, I wasn't that fond of the HP Curry, as it turned out. It's quite good on pork chops, but otherwise, the flavor doesn't mesh particularly well with most of the things I eat. However, they have also just introduced the comically named and intriguing HP Fruity, which is a chutneyish creation containing several different fruits and is marketed as a sweeter alternative to the tangy, strong HP, particularly good on cold meat sandwiches. I picked up a bottle this weekend and I'll let you know how it goes, because I know how much you love this incredibly long, boring entry about condiments I like.
Finally, I have not bought salad dressing in many, many years. Why? Not because I don't eat salad. I eat mindboggling huge amounts of salad. It's because anyone, no matter how bad a cook they think they are, can make a salad dressing at home better and cheaper than anything you can buy. Salad dressings are a big waste of money. That said, I seem to recall Annie's Naturals Sea Veggie & Sesame Vinaigrette being pretty damn good, if you absolutely insist. Still, I have made a fine version of it myself a number of times.