Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator

The Democracy of Today is the Celebrocracy of Tomorrow

This was pointed out to me by secondperiod: hack director John McTiernan has produced a surprising number of films in which the actors have gone on to become governors of large states, or candidates for governor. Look at the lineup of actors from Predator:

Arnold Schwarzenegger (Maj. Alan "Dutch" Schaeffer): current governor of California
Jesse "The Body" Ventura (Blain): former governor of Minnesota
Sonny Landham (Billy): candidate for governor of Kentucky*

If, as it is rumored, Mel Gibson will star in McTiernan's upcoming film Deadly Exchange, he will also have to his credit the guy who well might replace Arnie as the governor of California.

Which got me to thinking, once we get Carl Weathers (Maj. George Dillon) away from the buffet table and make him governor of Louisiana, who else can we get from the McTiernan oeuvre to occupy the stewardship of our largest states? Here's what I came up with:

- Josie Cotton ("Silver Ring" from Nomads): rewrites her hit song "Johnny, Are You Queer?" as "Hil'ry, Are You Queer?" and assumes the governorship of New York.

- Reginald Veljohnson (Sgt. Al Powell from Die Hard): runs for the governorship of North Carolina on his record as a police officer. His Democratic opponents note that he has never actually served as a police officer, but every single voter has seen him play one in at least three movies, so they just assume he's telling the truth.

- Scott Glenn (Cdr. Bart Mancuso from The Hunt for Red October): easily wins the governorship of Pennsylvania just by standing around looking stern and purposeful.

- Austin O'Brien (Danny Madigan from The Last Action Hero): nearly claims the governorship of Oregon by riding on a wave of youth votes, until everyone remembers that they totally hated The Last Action Hero and elects his opponent by a landslide, warning the McTiernan political machine not to get too cocky.

- Denis Leary (Det. Michael McCann from The Thomas Crown Affair): elected governor of Massachusetts by a vast majority of voters in exchange for a promise to shut up for the remainder of his term.

- L.L. Cool J (Marcus Ridley from Rollerball): succeeds Josie Cotton as governor of New York on the crest of his popular campaign slogan, "Mama Says Knock Out High Taxes".

- John Travolta (Hardy from Basic): very nearly claims the governorship of New Jersey before voters collectively realize it's John fucking Travolta.

*: By the way, check out Sonny Landrum's website for some fun, including his intent to "curve" the number of abortions performed in Kentucky and his claim, on the biography page, that he never beat his wife, but that he was framed by "the fascist women's abuse groups of Kentucky and the federal government through judicial terrorism".
Tags: movies, politics

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