1. A majority of respondents agreed with xanthussaves that 'teeth plaque conspiracy Metallica' is the Google search result they'd most like to see. Well, here you go, 52% of my readers:
2. The most popular choice of who you would like to see naked was MODOK, proving once and for all that you are a bunch of sick fucks. Come on, folks -- look at his withered, flaccid little legs, and draw your own conclusions. Continuing the geeky theme, the runner-up was all of the actors who have ever played Dr. Who, further cementing the identity of of this site's readership as perverted geeks who like looking at withered, useless male genitalia. The prospect that some of you are aching to see Patrick Troughton's block and tackle is probably the most upsetting thing I have discovered via these polls. (The fact that three of you want to see Nan Talese naked but none of you want to see James Frey naked likewise speaks to a certain skewed sensibility, I fear.)
3. The "one-dollar, one-vote" system was suggested by a majority 17 of you as the G.O.P.'s next democratic refinement. I suppose it will not be surprising to most of you that certain libertarian thinkers have actually seriously proposed such a thing -- that a person's net worth should be reflected in their voting power. One such proposal, big in the early 1990s libertarian boom, advocated voting 'units' in ten-dollar increments; thus, a bum with $300 in his pocket would get the equivalent of 30 votes when he pulled the lever, while a corporate CEO worth fifty million would get the equivalent of five million votes. The reasoning behind this is that a bum contributes much less to society than a CEO, so the CEO's vote should be worth more. The utter ridiculousness and anti-democratic idea behind this seemed to have escaped its defenders completely.
4. In a surprise result (at least to me), cheese was the #1 vote-getter as a taco option, with 86% of you demanding it. I have nothing else to say about that question other than it made me hungry for tacos.
5. It was highly enjoyable reading your proposed memoir fabrications, and there were plenty of good ones to choose from. But I'm giving the crown to fiberpunk, who writes that "I could have helped more Jews get out of the death camps by selling my watch, when really, it wasn't that nice a watch."
6. (BONUS QUESTION) The funniest joke that Ann "Let's Poison That Liberal Fuck Stevens" Coulter has ever made is that she is funny, according to 33% of you. Strangely, no one seemed to think that her suggestion that we repeal the right of women to participate in elections was very funny. It's so subjective, humor.