Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

And now, your weekly Lileks

I know what you are asking yourself. You are asking yourself “Self, I know that James Lileks is capable of – indeed, seems highly enamored of – getting disproportionately irate over minor episodes of unsatisfactory customer service from the underpaid employees of the cut-rate discount retailers he frequents. But can he actually be driven to heights of peevish distraction by entirely imaginary customer service slights?”

The answer, yourself, is: yes. Yes, he can.

See, what happened was, Jimbo had a dream in which the pizza delivery boy only brought him one pizza, when he paid for two. So he called the manager to complain. And he woke up INFURIATED. Because of the bad pizza delivery service he got in a DREAM. He further reveals, when describing this dream, that in REALITY, he used to call this one pizza place every week for two years to complain about insufficient quantities of sauce, thus confirming that he is the sort of person who would rather bitch endlessly and fruitlessly about something than actually attempt to change it. Lesser men would have just started buying from a different pizza place, but not our Jim.

Further evidence of his bullheadedness comes when his wife makes a rare appearance, and not surprisingly, she is in mid-eyeroll at our hapless hero’s asinine behavior. This is probably why she doesn’t appear often. This time, she is calling into question why her husband finds it necessary to hoard spent wine bottle corks (answer: because they have interesting designs on them) and empty Burger King French fry bags (answer: because someone has to). I can speak only for myself when I say that if I were to start “collecting” greasy food containers just because they had a picture of R2D2 on them, my girlfriend would scorn me so heavily that all of my secondary sex characteristics would fall off, but James Lileks is made of the sternest lime Jell-O.
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  • Gone Yard

    It’s baseball season, and that, friends, is the best of all seasons. Baseball writers, who, given their love of a game that has historical…

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