Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

And now, a new feature at the Skullbucket: THREE WEEKS DEAD!

In which we examine the last 21 days worth of celebrity fatalities. Enjoy!

Name: Johnny Jackson
Date of demise: March 1
Famous for: drummer for the Jackson 5
Did you know?: probably the luckiest member of the Jackson family, all things considered
Cause of death: stabbed to death

Name: Ivor Cutler
Date of demise: March 5
Famous for: singing totally batshit songs that appealed to quirky Anglophiles
Did you know?: most famous person ever to be named Ivor
Cause of death: chronic tweeness

Name: Kirby Puckett
Date of demise: March 6
Famous for: being fattest Minnesota Twin in the Hall of Fame
Did you know?: slugging percentage higher with women than with baseballs
Cause of death: sweet stroke

Name: Gordon Parks
Date of demise: March 7
Famous for: introducing the world to John Shaft
Did you know?: was a bad motherf...
Cause of death: shut yo mouf!

Name: John Profumo
Date of demise: March 9
Famous for: embroiling England in the most notorious political scandal of the 20th century
Did you know?: got to bang Christine Keeler, so it was totally worth it
Cause of death: remembered certain events of 1962, suffered massive stroke

Name: Slobodan Milošević
Date of demise: March 11
Famous for: quirky governing techniques
Did you know?: pure murderous genocidal hatred reflected in bad haircut
Cause of death: devil come to claim his own

Name: Maureen Stapleton
Date of demise: March 11
Famous for: being constantly mistaken for her sister Jean
Did you know?: Jean Stapleton was not actually her sister
Cause of death: pulmonary heebie-jeebies

Name: Peter Tomarken
Date of demise: March 11
Famous for: host of crappy game show with catchy theme song
Did you know?: only moment of excitement in history of show came with unemployed ice cream truck driver figured out trick, won ridiculous amount of money
Cause of death: pressed his luck once too often

Name: Tara Rose McAvoy
Date of demise: March 12
Famous for: being reigning Miss Deaf Texas
Did you know?: in death, will provide tasteless joke fodder for the nation's second-largest state
Cause of death: hit by train while crossing tracks

Name: Lumumba Carson
Date of demise: March 17
Famous for: DJing for X-Clan under the name "Professor X"; founding team of young mutant superheroes
Did you know?: was the illegitimate son of Patrice Lumumba and Rachel Carson
Cause of death: some colored disease

Name: Oleg Cassini
Date of demise: March 17
Famous for: designing my fancy suit (and the fancy suits of other, lesser individuals)
Did you know?: despite witty demeanor and job as fashion designer, was not homosexual, and married 1940s bombshell Gene Tierney
Cause of death: really fucking old

Name: Mohammed Ali
Date of demise: March 19
Famous for: being confused with famous American boxer
Did you know?:starred in many great Pakistani films, including the celebrated Clerk, of which you have never heard
Cause of death: cardiac arrest after floating like a butterfly and being stung by a bee
Tags: laffs
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  • The Party of What People?

    This will be my last entry of 2016.  Next year will begin, barring some unexpected act of fate, with the ascension to the presidency of Donald…

  • Anno Terribilis

    2016, the little year that absolutely could not, is almost over, and with the exception of people for whom it was a raging success —…

  • Shalom and the Jewish Jesus

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