Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

What it says on my big Diet Coke bottle

"EASY TO POUR, STORE AND SHARE!"

Okay, I understand 'share'. I mean, this is 24 goddamn ounces of soda pop, here. I could share this with the Swiss Army and have enough left over to make a Long Island Iced Tea.

'Store' seems a bit odd; the bottle is at least ten inches high, containing as it does a kidney-straining pint and a half of brown soda. If anything, it seems like it would be hard to store, especially as compared to, say, a 12-ounce can, instead of easy.

But they really lose me with 'pour'. Easy to pour? Easy to POUR? Not only does it appear to have the exact same size mouth as any other size of Coke bottle, but...but...has this been a problem with previous iterations of Coca-Cola? That it's been too hard to pour?

"Say, Bill, what have you got there?"

"It's a 16-ounce bottle of Coca-Cola, Jim."

"Mmmm, delicious Coca-Cola! I bet it's tasty."

"To be frank with you, I don't know. I cannot say."

"Wha...why's that, Bill?"

"Because I can't get it out of the container, Jim. It's just too hard to pour. If only they'd make a container that was easy to pour! Then I wouldn't have to drink Coke by sticking a needle in the bottom and drip-feeding it through this colostomy bag."

Another problem solved through the innovative brilliance of consumer capitalism!
Tags: eats
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