Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

Speaking of complaining...

...I have accepted an assignment to eat a raw food diet for a week and write about my impressions and experiences. The closer I get to the deadline, the more I dread it.

For those of you unfamiliar with raw food diets (which are apparently very trendy right now following their appearance on some British food show), it is a diet which restricts you to food that is vegetarian (there are 'raw animal food diets', but that's not the kind I'm doing, so no vodka-soaked steak tartare for me), unprocessed, and uncooked. In other words, it's mostly food from which all the flavor has been deliberately excluded. Boy, am I looking forward to it! Here's what I can have:

- Lots of raw vegetables, which is fine. I loves me some salads.
- Sauces that do not require any cooking, pickling or aging. Yum, yum!
- Rice, as long as it's not cooked. The delicious texture of crunchy rice that has been soaked in tapwater overnight is in my future.
- Nuts, which are the single solitary source of protein in this diet, since you can't have meat or dairy or beans or tofu or pretty much anything else. But to make this even more inviting, the nuts cannot have been cooked or roasted or anything else. Which means: raw peanuts and blanched almonds with as much flavor as spackle. You can press them into something called a "raw foods burger"! If you're a complete tool!
- Nothing else.

I got an e-mail this morning from the doctor I'm consulting for the piece, who happily thinks the whole thing is stupid but is giving me some good dietary advice just the same. Still awaiting word from the chef I'm interviewing, who is a raw foods evangelist; my guess is he hasn't got the strength to type. (A good writer always approaches his subject with objectivity, you see.) Any of you who have done this, please feel free to toss me some advice; the rest of you can just feel sorry for me. Right now I'm going to eat a big fat dead cooked sausage.
Tags: eats
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  • INTRIGUING FINDINGS FROM RECENT POLLS

    1. A large number of people selected New York as the rock capital of the world. Many so doing are themselves from New York. 2. No one selected…

  • This post is rocking your socks off!

    It’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Filter Friday! Of course, I do not have a Rock ‘n’ Roll Filter, because I am perfectly at home with the idea of forcing my…

  • This post is punching your face out!

    It’s Violence Filter Friday! Of course, I do not have a Violence Filter, because I am a rickety old man whose closest brush with conflict is when he…