Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

I never post anymore

So it's only fitting that when I do, it's about something of very little interest to any sane person: INFINITE CRISIS SPOILERS!

BIGGEST SPOILER: Infinite Crisis is not very good! In fact it's so far past not very good that it would be fair to call it pretty bad! Or very bad! Or extremely bad! Or so bad that the only upside is that it wasn't 12 issues so at least its badness only cost me $20 over the course of a year!

Seriously, I don't want to be all Evil Roy Raymond or whatever that jackass' name is, but this thing was kinda shitty, in the end. I don't know how it could have been made better other than (a) not doing it or (b) having someone more competent write it and giving them more time to do it in so it didn't come across so completely incoherent. I mean, okay, to non-comics geeks, as I know all too well, Crisis on Infinite Earths was hard to understand if you didn't have the entire history of the DC universe sitting right next to you as you read it. But I do have the entire history of the DC universe sitting right next to me, basically, and I still don't know what the fuck happened in this thing. In CoIE, there was at least the comprehension of endgame: "Oh! Somehow all the alternate Earths are now one Earth, and their histories have been confusingly folded up into one big superhero souffle." In IC, there's...um, what? "Oh! There's one Earth now. Or, I guess, again. And it's sort of the same as before, only not, and, uh, the histories of some of the characters have changed, but Geoff Johns declined to explain how." And, you know, if CoIE was overall incomprehensible, it was at least discretely coherent -- you could tell what was happening on a particular page, or in a particular panel. The overall picture may have been fuzzy, but the tiles that made it up were individually sensible. I still don't know what was going on in half of this damn series.

Ah, well, at least it's over, and the One Year Later stories I've read have actually been pretty fine so far, so why split hairs? Because there's nothing better to do, that's why.

TEN WAYS "INFINITE CRISIS" COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER
1. Let Grant Morrison write it
2. Let Marv Wolfman write it
3. Let Wolfman Jack write it
4. Let a wolf-man write it
5. Make it 12 issues
6. Make it 2 issues
7. A little lesbo action
8. Hulk, smashing
9. Make Ambush Bug the central character
10. Make it nothing but reprints of "Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen" stories involving hippies

TEN THINGS I'M STILL NOT CLEAR ABOUT WITH "INFINITE CRISIS"
1. So, Nightwing is dead now? Just after making him interesting for the first time ever. Good timing!
2. What...why did...what, is Superboy Hannibal Lecter now?
3. Apparently Luthor just hangs around dark alleys in Gotham, accompanied by the Joker wielding a Star Wars photon cannon, just in case Alex Luthor decides to schlep past.
4. Boy, that defeat-of-Superboy scene was an all-time classic of incomprehensibility. You know, Alan Moore writes eight-page-long descriptions of single panels, and his stuff makes ten times more sense than this whole stupid fight scene.
5. I didn't know what was going on with the 847 versions of the Flash and his supergalactic "Speed Force" before, and I know even less now.
6. Ha ha, WAY TO TOTALLY GLOSS OVER HAL JORDAN'S ENTIRE RECENT HISTORY!
7. Why bother teasing us with those references to Batman and Superman's altered histories when their own titles don't even explain them? This is exactly how post-CoIE continuity got so ass-fucked.
8. I guess that "I can't tell the villains from the heroes" thing was supposed to be cute instead of insufferable, but JOIN THE FUCKIN' CLUB OF THE REST OF US.
9. Why did Evil King Faraday buy this thing if he hates it so much?
10. For that matter, why did I?
Tags: comics
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