Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

Let's get this over with

I've been reading about genocide for the last several days for a freelance project. So now you must all suffer with me.

Poll #736605 Incident at the Pollish border

If you were a combat soldier in the Second World War, and like all those dipshits on the internet who amuse themselves by giving funny names to celebrities in order to broadcast their dislike for said celebrity, what would be your malefaction of choice for an opposing leader?

Gaydolf Hitler
9(19.6%)
Benito Mussoweenie
16(34.8%)
Admiral Toejam
3(6.5%)
Blowsef Stalin
3(6.5%)
Weighs-ton Churchill
1(2.2%)
Franklin Delano Assmonkey
6(13.0%)
In a world of infinite possibility, boundless opportunity, and joys without parallel, it's hard to imagine which is the more pathetic waste of time: you writing this poll, or me answering it
8(17.4%)

Which historical atrocity sucked most profoundly?

the Second World War and affiliated shenanigans, now with added Holocaust
7(15.2%)
Mao Tse Tung starving off half of China because he forgot where he put all the food
1(2.2%)
Josef Stalin starving off half of Russia because he remembered where he put all the food, but he wasn't going to tell anybody
1(2.2%)
Josef Stalin shooting half of the surviving Russians because starvation was taking too long
0(0.0%)
Genghis Khan annihilating a third of the population of the planet because they were in the way of his horses
3(6.5%)
the An Lushan revolt, which no one has ever heard of but which killed about 30 million people
1(2.2%)
the Manchus/Ming Dynasty who wiped out a fuckload of Chinese before wiping out fuckloads of people was trendy
0(0.0%)
the Taiping rebellion, which proved that no matter how many millions of Chinese you kill, there's always more to go around
1(2.2%)
all the Native Americans accidentally disappearing just after the Europeans arrived, whoops!
5(10.9%)
the Atlantic slave trade, even though it eventually gave us rap music
1(2.2%)
the Middle Eastern slave trade, which may have cost more lives and didn't even give us any decent music
0(0.0%)
Tamurlane. No, seriously, Tamurlane!
0(0.0%)
the British fucking with India
0(0.0%)
the Muslims fucking with India
0(0.0%)
WWI + typhus epidemic = atrocity fun
2(4.3%)
the Russian Civil War, that was pretty bad
0(0.0%)
but not as bad as the Russian Time of Troubles
0(0.0%)
or, for that matter, the Irish Troubles
0(0.0%)
pretty much anything with "Troubles" in the name means a whole lot of dead motherfuckers
0(0.0%)
the Fall of Rome; predictable, I know, but I have a weakness for the classics
0(0.0%)
central Africa and the Congo has been a pretty reliable cauldron of death for a couple of centuries now
2(4.3%)
the 30 Years' War (in specific)/the 17th century (in general)
0(0.0%)
killin' witches
0(0.0%)
killin' Jews
0(0.0%)
the Crusades/Spanish Inquisition/French Wars of Religion/the Church wiping people out by the bucketload, generally
3(6.5%)
although there are so many other Chinese die-offs to choose from, I pick the Chinese Civil War
0(0.0%)
the American Civil War
0(0.0%)
DC's Infinite Crisis
1(2.2%)
Napoleon doesn't get enough credit for wiping out Europeans for no good reason
0(0.0%)
how many of these goddamn things are there?
5(10.9%)
9/11! 9/11! 9/11!
0(0.0%)
the Thugs of India stranging your ass for 600 years
0(0.0%)
I'm withholding judgement until I see how WWIII shakes down
2(4.3%)
boy, we sure spend a lot of time offing each other
11(23.9%)
some other hilarious atrocity I will detail in Comments
0(0.0%)

What bionic alterations would you enjoy having?

Bionic arms, so as to crush cans and throw tires over the Incredible Hulk
1(2.2%)
Bionic legs, so as to make that awesome sound effect when I jump
2(4.3%)
Bionic eye, so as to read people's credit card numbers
2(4.3%)
Bionic laser implant, so as to laser shit up
2(4.3%)
Bionic ability to fight Bigfoot
0(0.0%)
Bionic fashion sense, so as to look good in a red velveteen tracksuit
0(0.0%)
Bionic heart, so I can keep eating Chunky Monkey three pints at a sitting for every meal
4(8.7%)
Bionic genitalia, so as to, well, ho ho ho winky noddy
1(2.2%)
Bionic clavicle, because then I'd be the only person with a bionic clavicle and that would show them, SHOW THEM ALL
1(2.2%)
Bionic ears, so I could totally blast Metallica and also hear what you were saying about me when you thought I was in the other room
2(4.3%)

Who displayed the worst behavior during the Crusades?

the Christians, for starting shit
34(75.6%)
the Muslims, for general slaughter
1(2.2%)
the Jews, for dying off in droves like a bunch of cowards
1(2.2%)
the Hindus, for hiding in India, the sissys
2(4.4%)
the Mormons, for taking their sweet-ass time to be founded
7(15.6%)

After a subpar freelancing month, a bunch of atrocity research, and Taylor Hicks winning "American Idol", I need cheering up. Tell me something good.

Tags: polls
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