What spam e-mail is MOST likely to get your attention?
Which sporting event most snaps your bean?
You act all snooty, you snooty-acting snoots, but you know you will see at least one big stupid summer movie. Admit your shame.
In what patriotic activity did you engage over Independence Day?
*: Seriously: explain to me this fascination with pirates. I just don't get it. I don't get why they're so funny. The whole success of that movie, to me, appeared to be Johnny Depp's mincing portrayal of the lead, which, I guess, gave it some sort of fag-hag crossover appeal, but beyond that, what's so funny? I don't get it. See also: ninjas.
**: Wait, hold on, when did The Fast and the Furious become a goddamn franchise?
***: Come on. What is WRONG with you people? Don't encourage that man.