What spam e-mail is MOST likely to get your attention?
one which delineates the location and attitude of horny sluts in my area
3(5.9%)
one that promises to rid me of useless, ugly flab
1(2.0%)
one that sets forth a medicinal solution to my erectile functionality issues
0(0.0%)
one that indicates the possibility of investing in previously unknown small-cap stocks
0(0.0%)
one that instructs me on how to receive prescription drugs sans prescription
2(3.9%)
one that entices me into Africa-based business investments
5(9.8%)
one that solicits me to marry an Eastern European not of my acquaintance
1(2.0%)
one that appears to be from my bank, utility or internet goods purveyor
9(17.6%)
one that tries to sell me software that I don't know what it does
2(3.9%)
one that beckons me to vote for one political party or the other
4(7.8%)
one that requests that I settle once and for all the question of which of two well-known products is the better
2(3.9%)
one that urges I purchase $1000 worth of goods from a vendor I used once, five years ago
5(9.8%)
one featuring extreme closeups of human genitalia
3(5.9%)
you have forgotten my favorite one, which I will detail in comments
9(17.6%)
I don't get spam, because (insert smug explanation here)
5(9.8%)
Which sporting event most snaps your bean?
Wimbledon finals
7(13.7%)
World Cup finals
12(23.5%)
Home Run Derby/MLB All-Star Game
11(21.6%)
NASCAR Chicagoland Speedway NexTel Cup
1(2.0%)
I don't like sports because I am an "intellectual"
20(39.2%)
You act all snooty, you snooty-acting snoots, but you know you will see at least one big stupid summer movie. Admit your shame.
"Little Man"
0(0.0%)
"You, Me and Dupree"
0(0.0%)
"Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest"*
6(12.2%)
"The Devil Wears Prada"
3(6.1%)
"Click"
0(0.0%)
"Nacho Libre"
0(0.0%)
"The Fast and the Furious 3: Tokyo Drift"**
0(0.0%)
"Lady in the Water"
1(2.0%)
"Clerks II"***
3(6.1%)
"Miami Vice"
0(0.0%)
"Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby"
0(0.0%)
"The Wicker Man"
1(2.0%)
"World Trade Center"
0(0.0%)
"Jackass: Number Two"
1(2.0%)
"Barnyard"
0(0.0%)
Porn- ?
-ography
3(5.8%)
-ectomy
1(1.9%)
-ocracy
8(15.4%)
-agogy
0(0.0%)
-athlon
3(5.8%)
-icide
2(3.8%)
-ergy
0(0.0%)
-oholic
2(3.8%)
-illion
2(3.8%)
-ekinesis
14(26.9%)
-omancy
5(9.6%)
-ometer
1(1.9%)
-ologist
5(9.6%)
-ophagia
2(3.8%)
-ivorous
4(7.7%)
In what patriotic activity did you engage over Independence Day?
*: Seriously: explain to me this fascination with pirates. I just don't get it. I don't get why they're so funny. The whole success of that movie, to me, appeared to be Johnny Depp's mincing portrayal of the lead, which, I guess, gave it some sort of fag-hag crossover appeal, but beyond that, what's so funny? I don't get it. See also: ninjas.
**: Wait, hold on, when did The Fast and the Furious become a goddamn franchise?
***: Come on. What is WRONG with you people? Don't encourage that man.
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