Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

Tor-cha-cha-cha!

Speaking of the Geneva Conventions, though, they really do need to be reassessed. Whether or not torture works as an interrogation tactic, our forces do need to be able to threaten captured terrorists with something in order to prevent further loss of life, and honestly, those WWI-era codes are simply too restrictive for our modern era. Just look at the list of what is forbidden:

- physical abuse

- mental cruelty

- threats of death

- the use of any type of coercion to extract information

- deprivation, isolation or inhumane treatment

- playing a continual mixtape of nothing but Billy Joel and Eagles songs

- asking a prisoner "guess what?" a bunch of times and then finally saying "that's what!"

- waving open bags of tasty pork rinds in front of Muslim detainees' noses

- refusing to allow POWs access to half-meat/half-veggie pizzas

- wedgies, purple nurples, pink-bellies, knucklebusters and swirlies

- spankings (non-birthday)

- telling detainees that you guess someone else will get to go to summer camp in their place

- homework on Fridays

- putting prisoners on hold for more than three minutes

- making female diminutives of POWs' names ("Mohammedina", "Jamalette", etc.)
Tags: laffs, lists
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