1. I have the amazing ability to compel you to urinate.
2. Three people other than me have a magic suitcase named Edmund.
3. Seven of you find your jobs fulfilling and delightful and I hate you.
4. Half as many of you think using pink as the breast cancer awareness color is racist as enjoy being reminded of tits.
5. The majority of you like me because of my deft combination of arrogant self-satisfaction and debased self-loathing.
6. Nearly four times as many of you are not watching The Wire than are watching it, and that's just crazy.
7. A disturbingly high number of you would like to see a TV show about reanimated corpses who have sex with each other.
8. Six of you -- SIX! -- like mystery novels with crime-solving cats.
9. Seven of you -- SEVEN! -- think Natural Born Killers was a good movie.
10. A large majority of you, nearly a quorum, would like the ability to manipulate pornography with your minds.
11. Not enough of you are listening to the Rakes.
12. When I ask you to give me recipes for blender drinks, a depressing number of you don't seem to understand that I'm talking about ones with liquor in them.
13. Tons of you like In 'n' Out Burger even though they put Bible verses on their fries.
14. Judas and Doubting Thomas are your favorite apostles, and you're all going to hell.
15. One out of every two of you likes Stravinsky.
16. Only one person was brave enough to say that DC's Infinite Crisis was worse than the Holocaust, WWI and the Atlantic slave trade.
17. Those of you who think people are merely stupid outnumber those of you who think people are evil by a surprising 5:1.
18. One of you likes to fox trot. I ain't sayin' who.
19. Pestilence is your favorite horseman of the Apocalypse. I ain't even tryin' to figure out why that is.
20. You are all very sexy.
And that's just from the last 20 polls! You people are a book I never get tired of reading, I tell ya.