Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

The Return of THREE WEEKS DEAD

In which we examine the last 21 days worth of celebrity fatalities.

Name: Markus Wolf
Age at Death: 83
Famous for: heading up the East German spy service
Did you know?: was also rhythm guitarist for the Scorpions
Cause of death: thrown into pit of hungry bears by James Bond

Name: Ed Bradley
Age at Death: 65
Famous for: being the black guy on 60 Minutes
Did you know?: papers inexplicably failed to used hilarious "DEAD BRADLEY" headline for obit
Cause of death: got in Andy Rooney's way

Name: Jack Palance
Age at Death: 87
Famous for: having Jack Nicholson do a better job at his acting style while making fun of him in Batman than he did of doing it himself
Did you know?: famous performance at the Oscars was not really one-armed push-ups, but a fall followed by numerous aborted attempts to get up
Cause of death: actually did crap something bigger than Billy Crystal

Name: Gerald Levert
Age at Death: 40
Famous for: crooning along with Keith Sweat and Johnny Gill
Did you know?: was working on a reality show this year where he and a bunch of his female fans would try and lose weight
Cause of death: show didn't wrap fast enough

Name: Maurice Floquet
Age at Death: 111
Famous for: being the oldest man in France
Did you know?: the oldest living WWI vet in Europe, he still didn't know what the fuck the point of the war was
Cause of death: was a hundred and eleven fucking years old

Name: Français 'Rusty' Tullis
Age at Death: 70
Famous for: mother of "Rocky" Dennis, the Mask kid
Did you know?: died in a motorcycle accident while hauling ass to Lollapalooza
Cause of death: shame of being portrayed by Cher finally caught up to her

Name: Basil 'Joe' Jagger
Age at Death: 93
Famous for: father of Mick Jagger
Did you know?: favorite foods -- instant cake, frozen steak
Cause of death: said one word to son, and that was "dead"

Name: Ana Carolina Reston
Age at Death: 21
Famous for: Brazilian supermodel
Did you know?: apples and tomatoes are delicious
Cause of death: pro-Ana

Name: Milton Friedman
Age at Death: 94
Famous for: mainstreaming the dingbat theories of Ayn Rand
Did you know?: despite free-market fundamentalism and hatred of big government, never worked for private industry a day in his life, and was only able to get work during the Depression due to the WPA*
Cause of death: market imbalances between supply and demand for regular heartbeats

Name: Walid Hassan
Age at Death: 47
Famous for: being an Iraqi comedian who made fun of Americans, terrorists and fundamentalists
Did you know?: In Iraq, audience kills you!
Cause of death: being an Iraqi comedian who made fun of Americans, terrorists and fundamentalists

Name: Robert Altman
Age at Death: 81
Famous for: great American filmmaker
Did you know?: last name means "old man", which, in an amazing coincidence, he grew up to be!
Cause of death: The High Hat

Name: Alexander Litvinenko
Age at Death: 43
Famous for: Russian spy and critic of Vladimir Putin
Did you know?: at least he didn't end up like this guy
Cause of death: mistakenly believed Russia had become a democracy

*: True.
Tags: laffs, news
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