Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

Thursday letters

Dear U-Haul,

You know how you have picture on the sides of your moving trucks that show notable people, places and things from the origin state of the truck? I saw one today that was from Nebraska, and the picture on the side was a rhinoceros.

Say what?

yours,
Leonard

***

Dear my mental health care professional,

Tonight, unless my mood lifts, I will be telling you that I'm pretty down. Please do not take this as a sign that your badgering me to get on pills is working.

yours for the time being,
Leonard

***

Dear my internet at home,

Why aren't you working? I have three freelance assignments due and some very important dicking around to do. Please repair yourself at once, and give me a million dollars.

yours angrily,
Leonard

***

Dear my job,

Thanks for the cookies! I appreciate all the support, praise and responsibility you've given me since I started, even though I know it's a trap. Also, you were just kidding when you said "please accept these in lieu of pay", right?

yours breezily,
Leonard

***

Dear the church near my home,

"CHRISTMAS - CHRIST = MATERIALISM" is your best marquee ever. Keep up the good work.

yours piously,
Leonard
Tags: crankery, diary
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