Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

You could take a poll a day

You people! You’re the reason for the season!

Poll #891023 Let polls be posted, though the heavens fall

Is it better to give than to receive?

Yes.
16(22.9%)
No.
2(2.9%)
Maybe.
3(4.3%)
It is, unless you’re talking about oral sex.
7(10.0%)
It is, even if you’re talking about oral sex.
12(17.1%)
I’ll tell you if you stop saying “oral sex”.
4(5.7%)
They are equally good.
23(32.9%)
They are equally bad.
3(4.3%)

What Christmas treats do you enjoy?

Eggnog.
1(1.5%)
Roast goose.
0(0.0%)
Candy canes.
1(1.5%)
Wassail bowl.
0(0.0%)
Chestnuts.
0(0.0%)
Mincemeat.
1(1.5%)
Gingerbread.
4(6.2%)
Stollen.
0(0.0%)
Sugarplums
0(0.0%)
Beef logs, cheese balls, and all that other Hickory farms stuff that some distant aunt always sends you.
0(0.0%)
Holiday Pepsi, holy shit, that stuff was amazing BRING THAT BACK.
1(1.5%)
Other (see Comments).
3(4.6%)

Rudolph is found brutally murdered in his pen: his throat has been cut by a jagged shard of steel, and his corpse has been repeatedly defiled. A copy of the sheet music for Jehan Tabourot & George Ratcliffe Woodward’s “Ding Dong Merrily on High” is stuffed in his mouth, scrawled with incoherent quasi-Marxist rhetoric. Which of his fellow reindeer is responsible for the horrible crime?

Dasher, who did to keep him from revealing his involvement in a network of Russian meth labs.
4(5.9%)
Dancer, who did it in order to frame Mrs. Claus, who recently broke off their lesbian affair.
2(2.9%)
Prancer, who was undergoing a psychotic episode brought on by steroid abuse.
4(5.9%)
Vixen, who did it because Rudolph was threatening to “spoil her looks” if she didn’t pay him protection.
3(4.4%)
Comet, because Comet is just one mean motherfucker.
14(20.6%)
Cupid, who did it as a hate crime because Rudolph was Jewish.
4(5.9%)
Donner, who did it because Rudolph called him “Dunder” one too many goddamn times.
4(5.9%)
Blixen, who did it to appease her cruel master Santa Claus, who demanded a sacrifice to his weird gods.
6(8.8%)
They all did it together, like in that one Agatha Christie novel.
18(26.5%)
Thanks for ruining another Christmas, Leonard.
9(13.2%)

What is the stupidest right-wing outrage of the year?

America is losing in Iraq because the media will only report bad news
4(6.1%)
a scary Muslim got elected to office and now he wants to be sworn in the Q’uran
3(4.5%)
the war on Christmas/Easter
3(4.5%)
Mexicans are planning a “reconquista” where they take over the southwestern U.S.
4(6.1%)
Christians are the most discriminated-against minority in the country
29(43.9%)
political correctness is turning France into Eurabia
1(1.5%)
Muslim cabbies are forcing their religion on us by not letting us get drunk in their taxis
3(4.5%)
the Lord is being disrespected with a new dollar coin that puts “In God We Trust” on the side instead of the front or back
3(4.5%)
Democrats are the party of intolerance because they turned Mark Foley into a pariah
5(7.6%)
Hollywood won’t make movies about how great America is/how evil Muslims are
1(1.5%)
Even Superman is a dirty PC traitor because some of the ads for the movie didn’t say “and the American way”
4(6.1%)
that eight-year-old black girl who writes poems about how Whitey is bad
1(1.5%)
homos conspired to rig the Oscars
0(0.0%)
something about video games or rap music or sex-dancing or other stuff the coloreds like
4(6.1%)
some other ridiculous non-controversy (see Comments)
1(1.5%)

As you know, Christmas is one of my favorite holidays. As you also know, this one will probably be kind of a downer, for a variety of reasons you’re probably already familiar with. What should I do for Christmas to avoid having to sit through the family meltdown that will inevitably occur?

Tags: junk
Subscribe

  • The Party of What People?

    This will be my last entry of 2016.  Next year will begin, barring some unexpected act of fate, with the ascension to the presidency of Donald…

  • Anno Terribilis

    2016, the little year that absolutely could not, is almost over, and with the exception of people for whom it was a raging success —…

  • Shalom and the Jewish Jesus

    Shalom Auslander got the best possible start on having a sickly fatalistic sense of humor:  he was a miserable Jew from the day he was born. As…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 23 comments

  • The Party of What People?

    This will be my last entry of 2016.  Next year will begin, barring some unexpected act of fate, with the ascension to the presidency of Donald…

  • Anno Terribilis

    2016, the little year that absolutely could not, is almost over, and with the exception of people for whom it was a raging success —…

  • Shalom and the Jewish Jesus

    Shalom Auslander got the best possible start on having a sickly fatalistic sense of humor:  he was a miserable Jew from the day he was born. As…