Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator

Make all our dreams come true...FOR ME AND YOU!

I was so busy at work yesterday that I forgot to make one of your Christmas wishes come true. So today I'm doing two.

First off, for the delightful, delish tawdryjones, who wished for "Coen Brothers do Christmas classics".

Blood Santa. In a small North Pole town, a dim-witted elf cuckolds the strip-club-owning Santa. As an act of revenge, Claus hires a seedy Eskimo detective to set them adrift on an ice floe.

Raisin Arizona. After many years in prison, a small-time crook finds himself lacking the knowhow to make his wife a fruitcake. He thus conspires to steal one from bakery maven Nasrud Arizona.

Reindeers Crossing. When a labor dispute over oat breaks flares up into a full-fledged reindeer strike, Santa hires independent arbitrator Tom Reagan, who plays a dangerous game by sleeping with Dancer.

Berton Funk. Follows the adventures of the incompetent Clarence, a guardian angel who shows an LA screenwriter what the world would have been like without him, after which Funk commits suicide.

The Chump Sucka Proxy. A New York rap crew conspires to throw the big Christmas freestyle battle in order to collect on the punk insurance, but their hired sucka, MC Norv, is more than they expected.

Cargo. When a pair of meth-abusing Finns plan to hijack Santa's sled and make a killing on black-market PS3s, things descend into a violent spiral of murder and mayhem only an elf can set right.

The Big Liebowitz. Donald Trump hires a photographer to take his Christmas card photo, but it's not artsy superstar Annie Liebowitz; it's doped-up, hygenically challenged loser Smoyel "Lefty" Liebowitz.

O Jesus, Where Art Thou?. Three rural convicts from the Palestinian backwoods are scheduled to be crucified for their deeds, but one of them claims to be the son of God and hatches a zany scheme.

The Man Who Wasn't Fair. It's an existential Christmas crisis as a 40-year-old gets coal in his stocking because he turned out to be a small-town barber instead of a coin-operated laundromat owner.

Intolerabe Yulery. Santa and Mrs. Claus head for divorce court, but there's trouble ahead as St. Nick's high-priced attorney turns out to have a sick MILF thing going on for dowdy cookie matrons.

The Ladyfingers. A gaggle of eccentric criminals will do anything to get an old woman's award-winning Christmas treat recipe in this horrifying look at the hyper-competitive world of bake-offs.
Tags: junk, laffs

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