Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

Telephone Thing

Boy, the ol' Ludic Syndicate World Headquarters call log has been full of beans lately.

CALL #1: PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH

LP: Ludic Syndicate World Headquarters, how can I direct your call?

GWB: Lenny Bear! It's W.

LP: Oh, hi, Mr. President.

GWB: How was your Christmas?

LP: It was all right. I had a rough year, and family can be a trial, you know.

GWB: Tell me about it. My pop was nagging me about getting Eaglebuger some work. Hey, did you notice how I said "Christmas" just now? I said "How was your Christmas?"

LP: Uh...I just told you.

GWB: No, I mean, did you see how I said "Christmas", instead of "holiday" or "Conga" or whatnot?

LP: Oh, yeah, you did do that, didn't you. Also, it's "Kwanzaa".

GWB: Whatever, it's a made up holiday. Anyway, pretty risky of me, saying "Christmas", don't you think? Bold. Shows real leadership.

LP: Why?

GWB: Because, you know, the PC people.

LP: What people?

GWB: The PC police.

LP: Who are they, exactly?

GWB: You know what? I'll have to look into that. I think they're part of the Bureau of Weights and Measures, I got a memo about it. Did you know there was a war on Christmas?

LP: There's a war in Iraq, too.

GWB: Workin' on it!

LP: What can I do for you, Mr. President? I'm sure you didn't just call to wish me a happy Conga.

GWB: Well, I wanted to give you a chance to thank me for the extension of the tax cuts...

LP: I'm not sure who you think you're talking to, sir.

GWB: ...and ask you, do you think I'll be like Ford?

LP: You mean, die? Before I can answer, is this call being monitored by the Secret Service?

GWB: Been thinking about him lately. Good friend of pop's. Good man. People say he fell down a lot, uh uh! Not buyin' it. Stood on two feet. His own. Gave me the Dick-man for my 40th birthday present.

LP: He's the gift that keeps on giving, sir.

GWB: Anyhoot, he caught a lot of heat, Ford. People got on his case, for the pardon. Ups and dies, everyone remembers him nicely. Fondly, I'd say. All is forgiven.

LP: And you wonder if that will happen for you?

GWB: Worked for Nixon.

LP: Sort of. Ford didn't start a major war, of course.

GWB: Gotta start thinkin' of the ol' legacy, you know. I want pop to be cryin' about me during a speech one day.

LP: You know, sir, it's beyond possible and well into likely that you'll outlive your father.

GWB: You don't think I'll be, you know? (makes gunshot noise)

LP: Assassinated? By who?

GWB: Didn't you hear me say "Christmas" before?

LP: I gotta go, Mr. President.
Tags: laffs, politics
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