Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator

My darling, I can't get enough of THREE WEEKS DEAD

In which we examine the last 21 days worth of celebrity fatalities.

Name: James Brown
Age at Death: 73
Famous for: getting up, staying on the good foot, feeling like being a sex machine
Did you know?: was Rick James, bitch, before Rick James, bitch was Rick James, bitch
Cause of death: papa got a brand new coffin

Name: John Butcher
Age at Death: 60
Famous for: conservative MP and former Minister of Trade and Industry
Did you know?: opened for the J. Geils Band with his rock/blues review, the Axis
Cause of death: hit in the face with meteor, or possibly a heart attack

Name: Charlie Drake
Age at Death: 81
Famous for: whoopsie British comedian
Did you know?: disproved superiority of English culture by making "My Boomerang Won't Come Back" a monster hit
Cause of death: in hell, oh my darlings

Name: Gerald Ford
Age at Death: 93
Famous for: pardoning that cocksucker Nixon
Did you know?: his term in office marked the last time Chevy Chase was even remotely funny
Cause of death: failed to whip inflation of his heart muscle

Name: Saddam Hussein
Age at Death: 69
Famous for: inspiring more hilarious t-shirts and bumper stickers than the Ayatollah Khomeini
Did you know?: caused an anonymous Iraqi to violate his cell phone company's terms of service agreement
Cause of death: tried to kill the president's dad

Name: Marmaduke Hussey
Age at Death: 83
Famous for: being chairman of the board of governors of the BBC
Did you know?: full title was Lord Marmaduke, Baron Hussey of North Bradley; was married to Lady Sunan, Baroness Hussey, Woman of the Bedchamber to Queen Elizabeth II.
Cause of death: lost a duel with precocious schoolboy batsman Norman "Mandy" Mitchell-Innes over the right to be called the most absurdly named man in England

Name: Ma Ji
Age at Death: 72
Famous for: mastering a form of Chinese comedy completely impenetrable to Westerners
Did you know?: Chinese government, proving that communist rhetoric can suck the fun out of anything, described him in his obituary as "mainstay in the field of comic dialogue Ma Ji"
Cause of death: failed to nail a joke at the 5th Annual Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference

Name: Cristin Keleher
Age at Death: 34
Famous for: stalking the least interesting Beatle
Did you know?: bizarrely, was the second-most-famous George Harrison stalker
Cause of death: hooked up with someone even crazier than she was

Name: Norman Mitchell-Innes
Age at Death: 92
Famous for: "precocious schoolboy batsman"
Did you know?: may have inspired Neil Diamond song "Mandy" ("what a good test cricket player you would be")
Cause of death: died of old age while trying to explain rules of cricket to an American

Name: Elena Mukhina
Age at Death: 46
Famous for: perfecting the Thomas salto, an incredibly difficult gymnastics move
Did you know?: whoops, maybe didn't quite perfect it after all
Cause of death: having the most depressing life imaginable

Name: Saparmurat Niyazov
Age at Death: 66
Famous for: being completely batshit
Did you know?: replaced Turkmen word for "bread" with his mother's name
Cause of death: Stalin needed some company

Name: Darrent Williams
Age at Death: 24
Famous for: playing cornerback for the Denver Broncos
Did you know?: wasn't going to make the playoffs anyway
Cause of death: facts are still out, but may have had something to do with sneakers
Tags: junk

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