Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

Tasteful San Antonio: The Tour (#3)

The area of downtown where I work is a curious one. My office is on the top floor of a lovely building, directly across from the federal building and catercornered from the Alamo, but the route that I walk from my car is through a depressing, seedy neighborhood that tourist money and office development hasn't penetrated. It's home to lots of deranged homeless people, Mexican migrant workers arriving by bus, and beggars; most of the storefronts are cut-rate loan companies, transient hotels, and...art galleries.

For no reason I can figure, the whole three blocks from my car to my office is permeated with upscale art galleries, and none is more upscale than 118 Broadway. This uninhabited but hi-tech looky-looery currently features the work of an artist (I'm not sure of his or her identity, since I'm afraid to actually go in) whose work, comparable to that of a very slightly gifted 14-year-old, is done exclusively in day-glo satin paints. The theme of the work, which appears to command thousands of dollars per painting if anyone actually buys that, is high culture and politics, combined with Tex-Mex food.

The first painting you see as you approach 118 Broadway is the one I call "Day-Glo Che Guevara Clutching Burrito", because that's what it is. His neon-colored, iconic face -- which is painted either on black velvet or a technically astonishing approximation of same -- gazes boldy into a socialist future as his hands, weathered from clutching motorcycle handlebars and automatic weapons, wrap themselves around the comfort of what appears to be a day-glo enchilada verde.

The next painting is "I Shot Andy Warhol a la Taco Bell", which features an interpretation of Valerie Solanis, looking for all the world like Wednesday Addams, putting a bullet into a day-glo Andy, who bleeds profusely and pucely. What's the Taco Bell connection? Ms. Solanis' head appears to be made out of a large nacho chip.

Finally, if you are brave enough to bear looking inside the gallery, you are presented with the masterpiece of the series, fully encapsulating all the brilliant whatever it is that these paintings represent. It features an anthropomorphic taco, wearing leather boots and sunglasses and sporting a Little Richard-style pompadour. He is wielding a microphone in one hand and a paintbrush in the other, and he is standing on a stage (as if the star of a rock and roll show) while looking at a tripod-mounted canvas before him. The visual design of this artistic taco resembles nothing so much as one of the California Raisins, if any of them had had a pencil-thin mustache. Issuing from the creative foodstuff's mouth is the following word balloon: "I'M THE ORIGINAL PICASSO TACO".

And that's...tasteful San Antonio.
Tags: diary, laffs
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