Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator

No, YOU suck!

I'm not looking to blame anyone. I mean, I don't really have to. Look, that is. Not blame anyone. Obviously I have to blame someone, and that someone is you. But I don't have to look, because you're standing right there. Which is why I'm not looking to blame anyone.

Naturally, in a complex situation like that, there is plenty of blame to go around. For example, a huge amount of it -- let's say 95% -- lies with you. But another, significant if smaller, 4% lies with your friends, your supporters, and the people who helped make you the way you are. As for me, well, let's just say that 1% has a home. Its home is with the people who weren't supportive enough of me.

I am not trying to find fault. This is not a fault-finding mission; it is a fact-finding mission. I am on a mission to find the facts of whose fault this is. All indications are that it is the fault of you, but that is something that will have to wait for verification before I tell everyone else about it. There are some things -- most things -- that are your fault, and some things that are my fault, such as putting you in charge of this when it should have been clear to me how incompetent you are. And then there are things that are nobody's fault, that are just fate, like the unnatural depths of your stupidity and malice, and my trusting nature. But let's focus on the fact that the fault lies not in our stars, but in ourselves. Mostly yourself.

This isn't "the blame game". Blame is not a game. It is a sacred trust. And I consider it an almost holy duty to place the blame where it belongs, which is with you. I know you want to blame yourself for most of this, but that would be wrong, and I can't let you do it. Please look deep inside your soul and find the strength to blame yourself for all of this. No one is entirely blameless in these circumstances, but I am as close as you can get, and you are the opposite. Entirely blameful, I would call you, if that was a word, which it may well be.

Not that I'm pointing fingers. It's rude to point fingers, and I don't do it. If I did, I would point them all at you, and I would buy a giant foam rubber "WE'RE #1!" hand and point that at you also, and get one of those light-up signs with an arrow at the top and the marquee would read "THE ONE TO BLAME" as it pointed at you. I would also buy a compass and replace the 'N' for north with 'B' for blame, so that it would always and unfailingly point directly at you, and I, by comparison, would be standing in Antarctica. But I am not pointing fingers, because my fingers are busy composing this letter telling you how you ruined everything.
Tags: laffs

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