The answer to doraphilia’s question, “WHO sent you those offensive textmessages?!?!”, is: I don’t know! I guess I could pony up for one of those reverse-directory things, but I don’t really care that much. I mean, it’s not like it’s news to me that a lot of people think I’m an asshole.
The answer to tritium’s question, “Give me a dollar”, is: that’s not a question.
The answer to lester22’s question, “Who is responsible for the Obama ‘1984’ ad?”, is: an unidentified Obama supporter not connected to his campaign, according to John Marshall.
The answer to rjwhite's question, "Which is worse- the subway entrance on Walnut st. that walways smells like urine, or the one that usually has vomit on the steps?", is: the latter. Smelling like urine is preferable to actually containing vomit.
The answer to thaitea's questionm "What should I have for dinner tonight?", is: pad woon suen.
The answer to picodulce's question, "how come the st patty's day question didn't have the answer 'avoided the bars?'", is: because I didn't put that option in.
The answer to thebitterguy's question, "What is a pussycat doll?", is: a member of a multicultural American all-girl pop group that began life as a burlesque act and slowly transformed into a Grammy-nominated vocal combo.
The answer to memento_mori's question, "Can you use heat to generate electricity? I wanna know!", is: yes.
The answer to oilyrags's question, "Is it pathetic and racist to wish I was black if all I really want out of blackness is avoiding sunburn? Or is that merely inaccurate?", is: a little from Column A, a little from Column B.
The answer to yud's question, "What's your favorite State Park?", is: probably Rice Lake State Park in Minnesota.
The answer to jedibugs's question, "Why do we continue to allow Bush to occupy the White House when a Blowjob nearly impeached Clinton?", is: because we are morons.
The answer to roninspoon's question, "Why the US get a strong third party going?", is: I don't understand what you're asking, but I think the answer is 'never'.
The answer to proteus454's question, "What the hell does it mean?", is contingent on more information being provided.
The answer to defconqueso's question, "Would any amount of money compel you to hump a unicorn?", is: I would hump a unicorn for nothing. Like the song says, "I love a man in unicorn".
The answer to zulkey's question, "Will you go to the prom with me?", is: you bet your hot ass I will. And I've got a car.
The answer to conrad_zaar's question, "What would have been the consequences if Batman and Robin had failed to save the 1940 New York World Fair from the villainous plot of Dr. Vrekill?", is: it would have had surprisingly little impact outside the organized mechanical recreation industry.
The answer to roseyv's question, "Have you ever written in a Starbucks? And if so, what feelings, if any, did this engender?", is: I did this for the first time this weekend, and the feeling it engendered in me was annoyance, since the whole point -- given that I do not drink coffee -- of going to the Starbuck's was to get wireless access for my laptop. Unfortunately, you apparently have to pay for this service, so I just sat there feeling dumb and piggybacking off of the Ruth's Chris Steakhouse signal.
The answer to patrickdean's question, "Is it okay to keep a stack of coverless Batman comics even if they smell like moth balls?", is: it is always okay to keep a stack of coverless Batman comics, no matter what they smell like.
The answer to ezrael's question, "Why do people always go on and on about Batman and Robin being gay when there are Alfred, Commissioner Gordon and even Superman as more likely candidates?", is: because most people only know one joke.
The answer to hydrozoa's question, "What's for lunch?", is: a mini-bag of Cheezits, a diet Dr. Pepper, and a turkey sandwich.
The answer to kudaspeaks' question, "How long, oh lord, how long?", is: until any day now, according to Psalm 94.
The answer to feisty_robot's question, "What the hell? I mean, seriously, what the fucking hell, people?!?", is: fuck if I know.
The answer to steve_hicken's question, "Why do fools fall in love?", is: because they are fools, clearly.
The answer to blue_straggler's question, "Have new Adult Swim shows really gotten too weird to be funny, or have I just fallen out of the loop?", cannot be answered by me, as I no longer have cable television.
The answer to threepunchstuff's question, "What do you look for in a men's grooming product?", is: I look for it to be unnecessary, so I don't have to buy it.
The answer to thehighhat's question, "Who put the bomp in the bomp bomp bomp?", is "the same man who put the ram in the rammalammadingdong". He is availabel for hand-shaking opportunities Tuesdays and Thursdays from 11:30AM to 2:00PM.
The answer to clh22's question, "Is it wrong of me to dislike my job when it's not even 2 p.m. and I'm already in pajama pants?", is yes, absolutely.
The answer to hipsterdetritus' question, "Will the Twins ever get their goddamned stadium built?", is yes, because people are, as previously noted, fools.
The answer to subversivegrrl's question, "How soon is now?", is it's at the same time as love.
The answer to blue_mirage21's question, "what do you like the most/hate the most about where you're living now?", is: (a) my job and (b) everything else.
The answer to moondispatches' questiibm "How do I trick girls into liking me?", is that you cannot trick girls into liking you. You can only drug or bribe them into liking you.
The answer to calamityjake's question, "What's your middle name?", is: Allen.
The answer to elston's question, "Will there ever be a rainbow?", is: yes, as long as I can borrow a feeling.
The answer to mckennls question, "why do I have to come up with something witty at the end of all your polls? Sometimes I'm not in the mood.", is that you better GET in the mood, missy, these polls cost six bucks a pop.
The answer to slammerkinbabe's question, "As a presidential candidate, what do you have to say about the lewd sexual content and coarse, crude language that is so omnipresent in this 'rap' 'music' our children are listening to these days?", is: I am 100% in favor of it, and am considering subsidies to make it even more crude and coarse.