Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

A BRIEF HISTORY OF HUMAN CIVILIZATION (an ongoing series)

Part 2: Religion

IG: Hey, did you see what happened to Zag last night?

MOG: That was fucked up.

YEG: Why, what happened?

NUG: You better hope it never happens to you.

YEG: What was it? I was getting my wife out from under a rock. What happened to Zag?

NUG: Judgement.

MOG: A big thing of light came out of the sky. It totally set him on fire.

NUG: Divine judgment. Of the gods.

MOG: In fact, this fire we're making lunch over? It's what's left of Zag.

YEG: I thought it looked kind of familiar.

NUG: And it'll happen again. Make no mistake.

IG: Wait, hold on, what are you talking about?

NUG: The gods. They were punishing Zag. For, uh, for being bad. For not obeying them.

MOG: I thought it was probably that.

YEG: Who are the gods?

MOG: Duh, dude. They're the, they're, uh…they punish you when you're bad. They're the ones who do that.

NUG: Remember a couple of weeks back when I said that Gur should give me that tooth-saw he wasn't even using anyway, and he didn't, and then he got the throw-up disease and we had to bury his remains away from where the wolves take a dump? They did that too.

IG: I wish there was some way to make them happy.

NUG: Well, it just so happens that I talk to them.

YEG: Talk to who? I don't even know what you're talking about.

MOG: Shhh! We're trying to listen to what we should do to make the gobs happy.

NUG: Gods.

MOG: Right.

NUG: Anyway, I talk to them sometimes. That big rumbling sound, before the light came down and burned up Zag? That was them, talking to me.

IG: How do you know how to talk to them?

MOG: Obviously, they taught him. With magic.

NUG: Exactly. And they said, we're going to burn up that guy, because, because he wasn't pleasing us. And our mightiness.

YEG: Well, great. What do we do now?

NUG: Say, how's your wife feeling?
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