2. Here are the food delivery options in San Antonio: Tong's Thai, national chain pizza, or nothing. I am assured, both from looking in a mirror and the claims of my co-workers, that San Antonio is the fattest metropolitan area in the United States; however, I can't figure out how this is the case, when you have to go out to get your food. It could be so much fatter if only a few local restaurants would figure out how to put food in a car! My laziness must be enabled, dammit.
3. In the cities I have lived previous to this, "cockroach" refers to a small brown insect, about the size of half a paper match, which can easily be extirpated with a rolled-up newspaper. Distasteful, yes, especially when found in your pantry or silverware drawer, but manageable. Apparently, however, in South Texas, "cockroach" refers to a creature spawned by atomic radiation, black as the pits of Hell and about the size of a Bible, that can only be killed by backing over it with a large car. This makes me very unhappy.