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This poll needs some sleep

I'm sorry this isn't better. I'm not actually feeling that well.

Poll #1017972 They Call It Poll Monday, But Tuesday's Just as Bad

A global invasion by which of the following famous monsters of filmdom would you find the most tolerable?

werewolves
2(2.9%)
vampires
5(7.4%)
Frankenstein monsters
6(8.8%)
zombies
3(4.4%)
ghosts
9(13.2%)
gill-men
14(20.6%)
invisible men
4(5.9%)
robots
6(8.8%)
aliens
3(4.4%)
Communists
16(23.5%)

Which transition would be the least tolerable?

hero to zero
14(21.2%)
winner to sinner
0(0.0%)
champ to chump
12(18.2%)
first to worst
21(31.8%)
emperor to simperer
19(28.8%)

Which of the following things have you done?

Performed live stand-up or sketch comedy
0(0.0%)
Sung in public in front of 50 or more people
0(0.0%)
Acted in a play or show in front of a paying crowd
0(0.0%)
Written for a publication with a circulation of over 1,000
2(3.0%)
Danced for a paying crowd
0(0.0%)
Stood for local or national political office
0(0.0%)
Given a speech or a reading in front of more than 100 people
1(1.5%)
Played a musical instrument in front of 50 or more people
0(0.0%)
Been a guest on a radio or television show
0(0.0%)
Had art displayed at a major gallery show or museum
0(0.0%)
Been the subject of a major news story
0(0.0%)
Been transformed into a monster or supervillain and rampaged through a city
1(1.5%)

There are not enough of these in Hollywood:

Pauly Shore movies
0(0.0%)
sensitive European art films with two women kissing
9(13.2%)
superhero anthropologists
15(22.1%)
adaptations of shitty 1980s cartoons
2(2.9%)
movies where Morgan Freeman helps a white person acheive something
8(11.8%)
Adam Sandler movies
2(2.9%)
crappy American comedy films with two women kissing
3(4.4%)
superhero Marxist literary theorists
23(33.8%)
adptations of shitty 1970s TV shows
3(4.4%)
fake breasts
3(4.4%)

Write my obituary, please. I want to have a lot to choose from.

Tags:

Comments

( 16 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )
calamityjon
Jul. 9th, 2007 01:52 pm (UTC)
Again, the precision involved in the term "major" kind of makes me feel excluded from bragging about my appearances in news articles, museums and gallery shows.
rjwhite
Jul. 9th, 2007 01:55 pm (UTC)
*putting on the warren ellis asshole hat*
IF YOU HAVE TO ASK, IT ISN'T.
ludickid
Jul. 9th, 2007 02:26 pm (UTC)
His son played ball for the White Sox and called himself -- no, really -- Pete LaCock
Now I have this image of Warren Ellis wearing a tam o'shanter with a Peter Marshall button on it.
vito_excalibur
Jul. 9th, 2007 01:55 pm (UTC)
This entire poll is so sad that I have to go back to bed now and start the day over, carefully not revisiting LJ on my way to a slightly more useful morning.

However, werewolves. Hope you feel better.
ludickid
Jul. 9th, 2007 02:27 pm (UTC)
Great. Now, counting myself, this poll has made three people sad.
(Deleted comment)
ludickid
Jul. 9th, 2007 02:28 pm (UTC)
Re: Damned character limit in the poll answers...
You see this, people? This is more like it.
ounceofreason
Jul. 9th, 2007 02:15 pm (UTC)
Apparently I can't distinguish between obituaries and epitaphs. Which is unfortunate, but almost worth it for the sake of writing "distinguish between obituaries and epitaphs."
ludickid
Jul. 9th, 2007 02:28 pm (UTC)
It's okay. I can't distinguish between red and green traffic lights.
calamityjon
Jul. 9th, 2007 02:51 pm (UTC)
There's an obit that writes itself!
yuriverse
Jul. 10th, 2007 12:17 am (UTC)
Damn, I did the same thing, but let the epitaph stand. It's hard to come up with stuff on the spot.
cleotyne
Jul. 10th, 2007 04:24 am (UTC)
I did epitaph toooooo. Me stupid.
roseyv
Jul. 9th, 2007 04:52 pm (UTC)
Cock, Leonard Allen Pierce’s. The gargantuan penis of area man Leonard Pierce died this morning of complications arising from the death of Mr. Pierce, who predeceased his mammoth generative organ by some eleven hours, authorities say. Mr. Pierce’s member was discovered, “stunned and barely conscious” in a parking lot outside the San Antonio Barnes & Noble, some five feet from the body of Mr. Pierce himself. Efforts at resuscitation proved futile. A spokesperson for the family stated that the loss of the cock was “tragic, but not surprising in the circumstances.” So far no cause of death for man or penis has been determined, although those close to the two have said that “they were very close. without his dick, Leonard just wouldn’t have wanted to go on.” When it was explained that it was in fact Mr. Pierce who had died first, one friend said “well then, I’m stumped.”

Following a private memorial service on Tuesday morning, the penis will be interred in First Memorial Park Cemetery, in a plot adjacent to Mr. Pierce, who was buried late Sunday afternoon.
cleotyne
Jul. 10th, 2007 04:26 am (UTC)
HA! Brilliant.
feisty_robot
Jul. 9th, 2007 08:55 pm (UTC)
I have to admit, I cribbed the first clause of my faux-bituary from this:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/07/04/db0402.xml

Man, I hope my obituary contains at least one of these phrases:

1. "an enthusiastic, rubber-clad member"
2. "a reckless and extravagant host of homosexual orgies"
3. "ordered home to the family castle"
jedibugs
Jul. 9th, 2007 11:34 pm (UTC)
Leonard Pierce, the accomplished though reclusive journalist, passed away Thursday, leaving behind him a legacy that some are already referring to as "Darger-esque," the 4 bedroom apartment he has occupied by himself for more than 18 years stuffed to the gills with day-by-documentation of a fictional universe he referred to in writings as "Earth-Prime." Amongst the writings were daily weather reports, Sports results, Obituaries, Police Blotters and News Stories for nearly two dozen fictional cities in "Earth-Prime."
Tina MacPhereson, Mr. Pierce's neighbor of six years spoke highly of him; "I always knew he was insane. Just...the way he looked at you, you could see it. You know?"
Mr. Pierce was best known for writing the book that ended the career of James Lileks, My Son Has a Black Friend: A Look at the Real James Lileks.
The cause of death has not been released, though he was found hooked to an empty IV bag containing trace amounts of vodka. He was 54.
yuriverse
Jul. 10th, 2007 12:20 am (UTC)
It was hard call over who I'd rather have invade the world. I would have picked Communists, but werewolf movies have all those nearly-or-completely homoerotic transformation scenes.

I mean, if hunky Leninists writhed on the ground tearing off their clothes before becoming Communists, I'd have gone with the Reds.
( 16 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )

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flavored with age
ludickid
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
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PROPRIETOR

Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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