Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator

Bit him, too

Thanks to my stupid social life, I missed RACE UNITY DAY last weekend. Luckily, since it's one of the most popular festivals here in tasteful San Antonio, I was able to get some of the highlights of Race Unity Day in the paper afterwards.

- Blacks and whites mingled together and shared humorous observations about how they dress, walk, and drive cars.

- Blacks officially forgave whites for slavery, and whites forgave blacks for allowing themselves to be enslaved.

- Representatives of all the races agreed that they could unite in their common hatred of the Jews.

- Also homos.

- Mexican tourists asked white citizens of San Antonio if they knew that the reason all the Mexicans came up to see the Alamo is because the white people there got their heads kicked in. The white citizens of San Antonio claimed not to know what they were talking about.

- An attempted mass group hug near the end of the festival was cancelled after three people were brutally stabbed to death.

- The black and Asian populations of San Antonio had a rap battle to decide who was more oppressed. The Asians lost by a score of 221-0, after which they complained that the blacks had been allowed to pick the format and that they had asked for a clothes-folding competition or an SAT score comparison. Having been judged the most oppressed, the black population immediately signed up for federal grant money to work on their new tone poem, "If They Have a Sack/They Will Fill It With Rocks and With It Beat a Black". The city's nine Arab-Americans could not be reached for comment.

- White people sent out a representative to explain that they have nothing against black people, just niggers. He also went into a detailed list of complaints about bias against German-Americans, including excess printer toner costs and having to find the correct key combination to make an s/z ligature.

- Featured grand marshal Michelle Malkin read from Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech and explained why it means minorities should not get college scholarships.

- God made a surprise appearance in which he supported the general idea of Race Unity Day as long as people didn't confuse unity with getting all uppity. He also mentioned that he had a favorite race, but that "the P.C. crowd" wouldn't let him say what it was. He did note, however, that it rhymes with "flight steeple".
Tags: laffs, satx

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