Today, I discovered the scientific facts of which gum loses its flavor the fastest: it's Skittles Bubble Gum, which you probably didn't even know existed and good for you because its flavor disappears approximately four seconds before you put it in your mouth. Baseball card gum is more robust than this.

Anyway, here's something. Like all my links lately, I get this from hipsterdetritus, because he is young and dumb and full of fun, unlike me, a withered old husk two steps away from police-sponsored suicide. The link in question is here: pop songs with the narrative rewritten as limericks. To start, here's a few that I came up with:

A trip to L.A. was not swimmy
Far too drivey and drunky and trimmy
When asked “was it hot?”
I replied “It was not!
New York is the place for Cool Jimmy.”

I am not one to party my cock off;
Instead, I would namedrop Nabokov
And come off pretentious
While waxing licentious.
Don’t it make you want to knock my block off?

Rather jealous of Zig were the Spiders;
They were quickly his foremost deriders.
Envious of his fans,
They soon pancaked his hands
And became of his fate the deciders.

A hard-living roadie named Berry
I hired, my equipment to carry
He OD'ed on junk
Now I pack my own trunk
How much do I miss him? Uh...very!

Come gather ‘round, men of the city,
And hark to my song that is witty:
I claim my affection’s
From dairy confections
But really, it’s all about titty.


NOW YOU DO THIS! Special bonus point for stumping the band.