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Boy, I must have driven over that bridge a couple dozen times, and I never, ever thought it would collapse.

HA HA! Just kidding! In reality, I am a huge sissy-mary who lives in perpetual fear that any feat of engineering that I can't intuitively understand -- like bridges and airplanes -- is in constant danger of undergoing a total existence failure at any moment. I can never cross a bridge without thinking it's going to fall out from under me, and I am simply grateful to my dark master, Satan, that he chose to wait until I was no longer in the Twin Cities to roll it up, like a Vaudeville comic's brocade dickie, under the trusting treads of many a Minnesotan.

So far as I've heard, no one I know ended up in the big drink (so it's okay! because it didn't effect me!), but best thoughts to everyone who's still waiting to hear, as well as everyone else who's gonna have to live through the colossal drag the cleanup and reconstruction period is going to be.

POSTSCRIPT: Reading the right-wing blogs this morning (sorry, folks, I have to -- it's my job), I was pleasantly surprised at how many people refrained from invoking the Big T: even Charles Johnson, of all people, was being the voice of reason on his blog. But there was the usual legion of no-hopers who swore up and down that the whole thing had to be the doing of illegal immigrant Islamotalitarians. It's sort of touching, in an incredibly misguided, awful, life-hating way: they want there to be terrorism SO BAD. It's their most special secret Christmas wish for Muslims to kill a bunch more Americans so they can really get their hate on.

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lunchcat
Aug. 2nd, 2007 03:51 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad there's another neurotic out there terrified of mechanical things they don't understand. My husband was just suggesting we go stay the weekend in a place that requires us to cross a five mile long bridge...and I kinda freaked out just thinking about it. Also, airplanes. How the hell do those things work and would it scare me more or less to understand them?
lester22
Aug. 2nd, 2007 03:52 pm (UTC)
they want there to be terrorism SO BAD

It's not just the right-wing nutjobs. I happened to be in the neighborhood when that steam pipe blew up by Grand Central Terminal a few weeks ago, and not only were the media covering it and making the point (and increasing their viewership/ad revenue) that it didn't "seem" to be connected to terrorism, the general buzz from passers-by suggested that everyone was focused on the big T. I doubt that any of those people I talked to/walked by truly wished for it to be an act of terrorism, but there was a palpable, odd feeling in the air like everyone was expecting it/anticipating it/perversely hoping for it. It's like the T is somehow "sexier" than your average disaster. Totally f'ed up, I tell ya.
minnesattva
Aug. 2nd, 2007 06:34 pm (UTC)
It's like the T is somehow "sexier" than your average disaster.

That's what I was thinking, too: would that make it better somehow? I hadn't even thought of terrorism until all the officials started announcing that it wasn't suspected. Gee thanks, guys, for ruling that out. While you're at it, do you suppose Lex Luthor, the local chess club, and lolcats are also not suspected? No? Just want to talk about terrorism, eh? Well, okay then, thanks for the info...

And really, what kinda terrorist blows up a bridge in Minneapolis? Don't get me wrong, I love the city, but one of the things I love about it is that it's so uninteresting to terrorists. What would they be there for, protesting the Twins' new stadium?

Besides, when that Minnesota nice cranks into gear and the locals swarm around to pull kids out of buses in peril and stuff, it's just not nearly disheartening enough to be worth the terrorists' time.
lester22
Aug. 2nd, 2007 06:41 pm (UTC)
While you're at it, do you suppose Lex Luthor, the local chess club, and lolcats are also not suspected?

Perfect characterization of this bizarro Chicken Little sensationalism that the media, and by extension the people who read what's in the media, have been perpetrating ever since 9/11. Folks, disasters happen. More often than terrorist attacks. Shit falls down, shit blows up, shit gets flooded - and guess what? Occam's Razor tells us that more likely than not, the terrorists DIDN'T do it.

Also, how could anybody protest the new stadium, when it's replacing an eyesore like the Homerdome?
minnesattva
Aug. 2nd, 2007 07:13 pm (UTC)
Well yeah, you don't see me complaining ... though I do think the decision to go completely sans roof might be worth a little protest.
hipsterdetritus
Aug. 2nd, 2007 07:07 pm (UTC)
me -> Hell
What would they be there for, protesting the Twins' new stadium?

Glen Taylor's granddaughter was on the bridge, so maybe Al Qaeda was really pissed off about the Garnett trade.
minnesattva
Aug. 2nd, 2007 07:15 pm (UTC)
Re: me -> Hell
One day we will look back on this as ushering in the new era of Sportcenter's Terrorism Correspondent.
hipsterdetritus
Aug. 2nd, 2007 09:38 pm (UTC)
Maybe these aren't the current SC correspondents, but a joke's a joke
Joe Morgan: "I can't really say as to whether or not this attack on the Twins ballpark site was a retaliation for something. There's so many factors you could take into account. I don't know if it was Al Qaeda or possibly the Symbionese Liberation Army. I remember when I played for the Reds, one of the all-time great teams, most people would've seen this as a Baader-Meinhof type situation."

John Kruk: "So how does this affect the Yankees?"

Bill Simmons: "Beats me. All I know is, this ranks high on my Reprehensible Acts in Sports History list, right up there with the time Snuka got clocked with the coconut on Piper's Pit, the formation of the WNBA, and the time I couldn't think of a Britney Spears joke or 90210 reference that'd adequately describe how great Larry Bird is."
marciamarcia
Aug. 2nd, 2007 03:52 pm (UTC)
The real cause: Walleye, with laser beams attached to their heads.

Truth.

But they might have been Islamofacist walleye in league with illegal immigrant lampreys. You can never tell.
semibold
Aug. 2nd, 2007 04:26 pm (UTC)
they want there to be terrorism SO BAD. It's their most special secret Christmas wish for Muslims to kill a bunch more Americans so they can really get their hate on.

And then we would all have to bow down to the almighty "gut feeling" of Michael "Skeletor" Chertoff. Perish the thought.

I also love your phrase "total existence failure." I have an excessive amount of that fear as well.
archaica
Aug. 2nd, 2007 04:56 pm (UTC)
Man, I didn't even think of terrorism at all.

Then again, considering I'm from Connecticut, this sort of thing is not unheard of.
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Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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