Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

More (hair) metal

Here is something I wanted to make part of the poll, but I ran out of room. One of the greatest characteristics of hair metal, and by "greatest" I mean "lamest", was that so many of the dudes (always dudes) in these bands gave themselves ridiculous monikers -- way lamer than REAL heavy metal names like It or Vortigur the Disemboweler or whatever. In fact, they spawned a whole new naming convention in pop music, which I will call for lack of a more obvious term the Hair Metal Name.

Here is how you get a Hair Metal Name: take

- one (1) part superhero/men's adventure novel protagonist
- one (1) part professional wrestler
- two (2) parts gay male porn star

Et voila! Here are some of the all-time classics:

Rick Savage (Def Leppard)
Earl Slick (Dirty White Boy)
Reb Beach (Dokken)
Chip Z’Nuff (Enuff Z’Nuff)
Joey Tempest (Europe)
Taime Downe (Faster Pussycat)
C.J. Snare (Firehouse)
Tony Montana (Great White)
Jesse James Dupree (Jackyl)
Lenny Wolf (Kingdom Come)
Jimi K. Bones (Kix)
Tracii Guns (L.A. Guns)
Nikki Sixx (Motley Crue)
Jack Blades (Night Ranger)
T.J. Racer (Nitro)
C.C. DeVille (Poison)
Mickey Lee Soule (Ritchie Blackmore’s Rainbow)
Jizzy Pearl (Ratt)
Sebastian Bach (Skid Row)
Mark Slaughter (Slaughter)
Oz Fox (Stryper)
Jay Jay French (Twisted Sister)
Bobby Rock (The Vinnie Vincent Invasion)
Mike Tramp (White Lion)
Kip Winger (Winger)

I am shocked, SHOCKED to learn that there has never been a Hair Metal Name generator on the internet. I am therefore taking (a) your suggestions to be entered into just such a generator and (b) your requests for a hair metal name.

The end.

OR IS IT
Tags: music
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