#3: Pigs and Playstations
Think that you can outplay a pig on your Playstation? You may be surprised. According to research, pigs are much smarter than dogs, and they even do better at video games than some primates.
There are so many things wrong with this. First of all, who did the testing on whether a monkey, dog or pig was better at video games? I'm fascinated by the logistics of this. What game did they play? Was it a puzzle game, a first-person shooter, a platform actioner? Did any of the animals actually score? Were the dogs better or worse than the monkeys? How did the dogs and pigs play without thumbs? Were they on a PS, a PS2, or a PS3? Were they playing the computer, or competing against other pigs?
Also, why would they assume that if I knew a pig was good at video games, I wouldn't want to eat it? Seems to me that I could whinny away the competition and quickly rise to the gamer elite in this manner. Shit, if it was legal to kill and eat other human gamers, I'd do it.
Eating a pig is like eating your dog!
Except your dog is not delicious.
As actor Cameron Diaz put it after hearing that pigs have the mental capacities of a 3-year-old human: "[Eating bacon is] like eating my niece!"
Now, wait, hold on there, GoVeg.com. Is it like eating your dog, or eating your niece? Or is it just like eating Cameron Diaz's niece? Because I don't really care about Cameron Diaz's niece. Also, is eating a 3-year-old better than eating an adult with the mental capacity of a 3-year-old? And how does a 3-year-old stack up against a pig at Playstation? If the pig is better, does that mean it's okay to eat the toddler?