?

Log in

No account? Create an account

JUMP BACK | BE FORWARD

And now a webcomic

I have wanted, for several hours now, to do a webcomic. Unfortunately, I cannot draw. Not even to the craphole standards of webcomics. Also I do not have a scanner, and my Photoshop skills are limited. Finally, I have neither the time nor the patience to do a webcomic fumetti-style or using clip art. So, I present to you:





#1.
BOSS ALIEN: Well, there you go, boys, watertight cover identities. No one will ever know.

DJ AAK: Aren't you going to give us one of those things so that we know all about Earth culture and can blend in without suspicion?

BOSS ALIEN: They already have that. It is called the internet. It will give you all the information you need.

MC BOY: STOOPIT FRESH, I AM GOING TO TRY OUT THESE "BURGER KINGS" WHEN I GET THERE

#2.
DJ AAK: Okay, the Internet, show us what you've got. How can we blend in with society so that we will not be suspected of being the advance guard of an alien invasion fleet?

THE INTERNET: Greece (Greek: Ελλάδα [e̞ˈlaða] or Ελλάς [e̞ˈlas]), officially the Hellenic Republic (Ελληνική Δημοκρατία [e̞ˌliniˈci ðimo̞kraˈtiˌa]), is a country situated on the southern end of the Balkan Peninsula. It is bordered by Albania, the former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia and Bulgaria to the north, and by Turkey to the east.

DJ AAK: That's great. Is that where we're going?

THE INTERNET: The Let's Go to Disneyland®! e-book sells for $19.97 USD. For every sale you refer to us, we will pay you 50.00% on Level 1 (less processing fees.) Our customers can pay us through the following merchant account(s): PAYPAL.

DJ AAK: Okay, Disneyland, whatever. Let's go there. We just need good cover stories.

MC BOY: I THINK WE SHOULD BE RENEGADE NORTH KOREAN SOFTWARE PIRATES, THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS ON THIS SCREENPLAY I FOUND ON MYSPACE

#3.
DJ AAK: I don't know, man, I don't think we should be North Koreans.

MC BOY: THEY ARE BAD ASS, WHERE ALL MY PYONGYANG PEOPLE AT

DJ AAK: For one thing, we don't look anything like them. According to the Internet, they all look like chubby versions of Alfalfa crossed with a squirrel.

THE INTERNET: As he aged, Kim developed a large growth on the back of his neck - a calcium deposit, or hok, usually resulting from childhood malnutrition. Its location near his brain and spinal cord made it inoperable. Because of its unappealing nature, North Korean photographers always shot from the same slight-left angle, which became a difficult task as the growth reached the size of a baseball.

DJ AAK: And I am not calling you "Maximum Leader".

MC BOY: HOW ABOUT LODE STAR OF THE 21ST CENTURY, THAT'S PRETTY DOPE

#4.
MC BOY: I HAVE MADE A DECISION, A DECISION HAS BEEN MADE BY ME

DJ AAK: What?

MC BOY: I AM "INTO" ASIAN GIRLS

DJ AAK: We're supposed to be North Korean. To us they're just girls.

MC BOY: I AM "INTO" GIRLS

DJ AAK: Also, I am a girl.

MC BOY: CALL ME MAXIMUM LEADER, JUST ONE TIME

#5.
DJ AAK: The Internet says that on Earth, they eat more than one thing.

THE INTERNET: A varied diet will include a broad selection of foods across the whole range, or most of the traditional food groups, such as vegetables, fruits, cereals, meat, fish and dairy products. A varied diet will also include a good mix of foods within each of these groups - eating two bananas and three carrots each and everyday may meet the 5 portions of fruit and vegetables per day target, but will not provide the body with even half the potentially healthful phytochemicals that scientists have identified in fruit and vegetables.

MC BOY: I DO NOT EAT NOTHING THAT IS NOT AVAILABLE AT "BURGER KING" AS A RULE BUT I COULD BE DOWN WITH BANANERS

DJ AAK: It also says that oral respiration is frowned upon.

THE INTERNET: One of the first lessons in the Yogi Science of Breath, is to learn how to breathe through the nostrils, and to overcome the common practice of mouth-breathing. The breathing mechanism of Man is so constructed that he may breathe either through the mouth or nasal tubes, but it is a matter of vital importance to him which method he follows, as one brings health and strength and the other disease and weakness. It should not be necessary to state to the student that the proper method of breathing is to take the breath through the nostrils, but alas! the ignorance among civilized people regarding this simple matter is astounding. We find people in all walks of life habitually breathing through their mouths, and allowing their children to follow their horrible and disgusting example.

MC BOY: WORD TO YA STEER, I CAME TO BREATHE CLEAR

DJ AAK: And apparently sexual attraction to stuffed toys or people in animal costume is considered generally unacceptable.

MC BOY: WELL I RECKON MY DAYS OF TAXI DERMIED POLAR BEAR FUCKIN ARE BEHIND ME

THE INTERNET: :( :( :( :( :(

Tags:

Comments

( 15 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )
harmfulguy
Aug. 30th, 2007 06:40 pm (UTC)
You have chosen your medium wisely. I can imagine no way in which visuals would improve this work.
ludickid
Aug. 30th, 2007 07:23 pm (UTC)
I often suspect in you the presence of sarcasm.
lester22
Aug. 30th, 2007 06:53 pm (UTC)
Man, don't you have a pantload of LJ-friends who are extremely talented artistes? Because wow, it'd be like a superhero combination of talent. Like Rodgers & Hammerstein, Bogey & Bacall, Captain & Coke, BJ & the Bear...

Good stuff though, very good stuff. I was just reading Achewood before I stumbled upon this, and yeah, you got the gift.
ludickid
Aug. 30th, 2007 07:24 pm (UTC)
If you had artistic talent that you had nurtured, honed and developed over many years, would you want to waste it on something I wrote?
lester22
Aug. 30th, 2007 07:51 pm (UTC)
Actually, yes. I would.
manningkrull
Aug. 30th, 2007 06:56 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, what the fuck, man. It's a good thing I forgot how to draw.
ludickid
Aug. 30th, 2007 07:25 pm (UTC)
It's all those dollar-store hair gels, man. They have napalm or Thalidomide or something in them.
rjwhite
Aug. 30th, 2007 07:20 pm (UTC)
I think you just wrote an Adult Swim pilot.
ludickid
Aug. 30th, 2007 07:26 pm (UTC)
Well, it's about time somebody did. America's stoners don't have nearly enough entertainment options.
mckennl
Aug. 30th, 2007 07:52 pm (UTC)
Man, that's the tru --- Er. I mean. I guess so.
roseyv
Aug. 30th, 2007 08:57 pm (UTC)
HOly crapoli, Liz. You look HOTT!!!!
mckennl
Aug. 30th, 2007 09:09 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I took that picture about an hour ago!
ludickid
Aug. 30th, 2007 09:10 pm (UTC)
I am just going to call you Hotcha McFosterpants.
roninspoon
Aug. 30th, 2007 09:15 pm (UTC)
I can't believe you passed up the opportunity for a dick joke in the section on eating.
ludickid
Aug. 30th, 2007 09:50 pm (UTC)
Experience would suggest that many more opportunities for dick jokes are to come.
( 15 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )

Profile

flavored with age
ludickid
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
Ludic Log

PROPRIETOR

Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

Latest Month

December 2016
S M T W T F S
    123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow