DJ AAK: Enough of these comical fish-out-of-water assimilation scenarios. We need to get started on the mission.
MC BOY: I'M ON A SUBMARINE MISSION FOR YOU BABY BUT I GOT NO CLIZOO WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOOT
DJ AAK: You know, the mission we were sent here to perform. I assume it involves conquest or science or shopping or suchwise.
THE INTERNET: RTFM = Read The Fucking Manual
DJ AAK: I hope that doesn't mean what I think it means.
MC BOY: I HOPE THE OPPOSITE THING
DJ AAK: Dude, I got no idea what we're supposed to be doing. Did we get issued a manual or what?
MC BOY: BROOKLYN WHAT IS MY ANSWER
DJ AAK: You're the one who's supposed to be in charge of such things, according to the rules I made up.
MC BOY: AND WHICH I SUBSEQUENTLY LOST
DJ AAK: Oh, man, did you lose the mission statement?
MC BOY: NOW HOLD UP AND WAIT ONE MOMENTO, YOU ARE OFF BY MILES, DAVIS FOR I DID NOT LOSE NOTHING
DJ AAK: So where is it?
MC BOY: SEEK YE FIRST THE YELLOW FILE FOLDER WHERE I PUT THE DIRECTIONS FOR OUR BLENDER AND GEORGE FOUR MEN GRILL AND OUR MISSION SHALL REVEAL ITSELF THEREOF
DJ AAK: There are no mission instructions in this yellow file folder.
THE INTERNET: These letter-size hanging file folders measure 11 5/8" wide x 9 3/8" high. Both the inside and the outside of the folders are smooth. About 3 3/8" from the top, an embossed line runs horizontally across both sides of the folder.
DJ AAK: All that's in here is kitchen appliance registration cards and a court summons. Why do you have a court summons?
MC BOY: WHEN A MAN'S GOTTA GO A MAN'S GOTTA GO
MC BOY: IN A POLICE CAR
MC BOY: WHY DON'T YOU CALL THAT GUY WE WORK FOR IN THE FIRST STRIP AND ASK HIM WHAT WE ARE SPOCED TO BE DOING
DJ AAK: Oh, that's going to look really good, telling the boss that I forgot what my job is.
MC BOY: YOU HAVE CAREER AMBITIONS
DJ AAK: I'm not going to be a whatever I am forever.
THE INTERNET: How do you people do it? How do you simply come to accept that this will all come to an end, you don't know what the hell is going to happen, and that to be realistic it's a good chance that you're just going to be what you were before being conceived: absolutely nothing? I just don't get it. And the worst part is that really, my life's probably only about 1/4 complete. I don't dare try to guess the state I'll be in when I hit 50.
DJ AAK: I hope someday, for example, to write a memo.
DJ AAK: Memorandum. From: the girl. To: Boss Alien. Re: Mission statement.
THE INTERNET: You can send a delegate in your place, if the person is capable of making decisions and can assume action items. Let the leader know you're sending a delegate in your stead. If that's not possible, consider asking to report first, if you have another meeting and need to depart in a timely manner. Can someone tape-record the meeting for you to listen to in your car?
DJ AAK: Mission goes extremely well so far. Express no surprise when total strangers nominate us for various awards.
THE INTERNET: It is a costly mistake to get lost in the false theory that more money equals happy employees. Believing this is costing you valuable time, revenue, employees...and even threatening your own job.
DJ AAK: Hey here is a fun game that I thought of. You write down exactly what our mission is and send to me, and I will make funny words out of the letters in our job description.
MC BOY: DID YOU TELL HIM
DJ AAK: The other one would like you to know that he can point at both ends of his intestines at the same time.