Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
ludickid

An Imagining: A Response

Married person/humor technician rjwhite didn’t know he was issuing a challenge with this post. But he was.

***

(From an interview with Lars Ümlaüt, lead guitarist for Alamout Black, in the October 2007 issue of Metal Up Your Fanny magazine.)

MUYF: Lars, congratulations on the completion of another successful tour. Your last gig at Stonehenge was incredibly well-received.

LÜ: Yeah, is good. Fans all cheer and spaceship come, take to heaven Lars.

MUYF: You seemed to be having some trouble with “Freebird”.

LÜ: I non’t like this song. Why we play I doing know.

MUYF: Well, let’s talk about that for a bit. In the past, you’ve been quite outspoken over your band’s choice of material.

LÜ: Why is Lars play the Heart’s song? Why is “To Rock This Town”?

MUYF: You’re unhappy with the current set list?

LÜ: Lars is metal. Lars wants play metal. Look at corpsepaint! Why ask Lars, “Lars, fans want to hear ‘Rock and Rolls Hootchie Koos’”? Lars from Malmö, play only black metal. Lars will play “Freya”, Lars will play “Hangar 18”, Lars will even play “The Strutter” if get enough aquavit before show. Why, though, ask Lars play “Miserable Lou”? Lars does not know this songs.

MUYF: So life with Alamout Black isn’t all encores and lighter-waving.

LÜ: Big problem is uncompatibilting. Drummer get along with Lars, he is very much metal, but sometime he explode for day at a times. Singer, he is from Williamsburg, always want to go to afterparty with Vice magazine photographer. Bass player go to dress room, listen to Pavement b-sides over and over. Keys board, he played by fat roadie only.

MUYF: Have you thought about going solo?

LÜ: Very much Lars think on this, but Alamout Black is very popular, make lots of money. Lars have bills to pay.

MUYF: Like what?

LÜ: Almost never we make full paycheck. Lars spend two thousands dollar every time he change clothes. We have girl singer, she get full salary on tour plus royalties and only three songs does she ever sing. Is not easy, rock and roller lifes style.

MUYF: Well, what’s next for Alamout Black?

LÜ: New tour for us.

MUYF: Will you be previewing new material?

LÜ: No, plan is play same songs, same order, same venues. Lars values consistency.

MUYF: Uh…so what’s going to be different about the next tour?

LÜ: This time Lars try harder.

MUYF: What do you mean?

LÜ: Sometime Lars not play so good, take it easy on Lars self. Last tour I only play four strings on guitar. Next tour: try harder, charge more.

MUYF: Why?

LÜ: Just lazy.
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