BLASPHEMIES (SHORT): Abominator, Blasphemy, Iniquity, Abhorrence, Amoral, Unholy, Apostasy, Sacrilege, Atheist, Deicide, Monstrosity. Best for: technical death metal; bands where the lead singer drinks a lot.
BLASPHEMIES (LONG): Insanity Reigns Supreme, Silent Stream of Godless Elegy, Eternal Tears of Sorrow, Church of Misery, Sins of Thy Beloved, Thou Shalt Suffer, Neurotic of Gods, One Man Army & the Undead Quartet, Pain of Salvation, Moribund Oblivion, Bretwaldas of Heathen Doom, Tears of Mourning Rule the Divine, While Heaven Wept. Best for: gothic metal; bands that are really screamo but don’t want to admit it.
COD LATIN: Imago Mortis, Omnium Gatherum, In Extremo, Arkhon Infaustus, Hortus Animae, Officium Triste, Carpe Tenebrum, Lux Occulta, Vene Domine, Nokturnal Mortum, Hibernus Mortis, Solitude Aeturnus. Best for: symphonic black metal; bands where the lead singer is gay.
DEMONS: Abigor, Asmodeus, Belphegor, Agathodaimon, Abbadon Incarnate, Gorgoroth, Baphomet’s Throne, Lord Belial, Sammael, Acheron. Best for: black metal; bands formed over a copy of ‘Deities and Demigods’.
LOTS OF Ks: Sadistik Exekution, Kataklysm, Korpiklaani, Lakkichhara, Kekal, Kromok, Katafalk, Keep of Kalessin, Akercocke, Kublai Khan. Best for: metal bands from non-western countries; bands where the lead singer is a moron.
MISSPELLED MYTHOLOGY: Nazxul, Pegazus, Tiresis, Artefact, Kovenant, Mezzerschmitt, Nostradameus, Susperia, Valhall, Kamelot, Kult ov Azazel. Best for: hard-rock bands; bands with the same name as another band but wishing to avoid a lawsuit.
NAMES OF PLACES THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH WHERE YOU ARE FROM: Nepal (Argentina), Mekong Delta (Germany), Salem (Israel), Asgard (Italy), Notre Dame (Sweden), Nile (United States). Best for: prog-metal bands; people who are extremely lazy.
NAMES THAT SUGGEST THAT YOU AREN’T TAKING THE WHOLE THING ENTIRELY SERIOUSLY: Fuck…I’m Dead, Dew-Scented, Subway to Sally, Frantic Beep, Butterfly Temple, Sad Legend, Bumblefoot, Impetigo, Jelly Jam. Best for: jam bands; bands where the lead singer is Australian.
PRETENTIOUS ADJECTIVES: Enthroned, Chthonic, Absurd, Corrupted, Forsaken, Inhumed, Enslaved, Embraced, Entombed, Rotting, Condemned, Esoteric, Impaled, Obsessed, Unanimated, Unconquered, Unleashed. Best for: black/death metal; bands who own a thesaurus.
SOME 15-YEAR-OLD’S D&D CHARACTER: Bloodaxe, Dragonsword, Piledriver, Battlelore, Deathchain, Fintroll, Moonsorrow Stormwarrior, Elvenking, Gallhammer, Skyforger, Trollfest, Warlord, Lord Gore. Best for: power metal; bands where the lead singer is fifteen.
THINGS THAT YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO HAVE HAPPEN TO YOU: Disembowelment, Visceral Evisceration, Anorexia Nervosa, Massacre, Atrocity, Beheaded, Severe Torture, Battered, Slow Agony, Decapitated, Defleshed, Hypothermia, Cancer, Amoebic Dysentery, Anthrax, Death, Drawn & Quartered, Immolation, Internal Bleeding, Nuclear Assault, Suffocation. Best for: death metal; bands who used to own a dog that mysteriously disappeared.
UNPLEASANT SOUNDS: Clagg, Grott, Thrudvangar, Urskumug, Drudkh, Grom, GWAR, Noothgrush. Best for: Viking metal; bands who spend more on costumes than on equipment.
WIZARDLY REFERENCES: Alchemist, Deathspell Omega, Mystic Circle, Eldritch, the Black Mages, RuneMagick, Ceremonial Castings, Incantation, Pentagram. Best for: doom metal; bands whose lead singer is really, really baked.