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Welcome to Violence







#26.
MC BOY: HEY LET US BOTH GET MUGGED

DJ AAK: You mean, make faces at each other?

THE INTERNET: After years of study, sociologists have determined that the two biggest causes of muggings in New York are muggers and tourists. Since you will be unable to affect the first (indeed, even the local police have given up on that endeavor), the second option is the only factor that you can alter to reduce the chances of being mugged.

MC BOY: NO A MUGGING IS WHEN SOMEONE BEATS YOU UP AND TAKES YOUR MONEY DUDE

DJ AAK: That doesn’t sound like something I would want to have done to me.

THE INTERNET: The FBI defined a felonious assault as the unlawful attack or attempt to attack through force or violence to cause physical injury to another. A felonious assault can be the result of weapons or through the use of hands, fists, or feet. Regardless of if an injury results from a felonious attack if there was a weapon used it is classified as a felonious assault. If a weapon was not used during the assault but serious injury resulted from the assault by the use of hands, fists, or feet, it is classified as a felonious assault.

MC BOY: YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND WE WOULD BE DOING THE BEATING

DJ AAK: Oh. That’s fine, then.

#27.

DJ AAK: Well, that was the worst mugging ever.

MC BOY: IT WAS YOUR FIRST MUGGING SO HOW WOULD YOU KNOW MISS CLEVER UNDERPANTS

THE INTERNET: Texas crime statistics, Texas, Texas rape, Texas murder, Texas property crime, Texas crime index, Texas violent crime, violent crime in Texas...

DJ AAK: First of all, six-year-olds don’t have any money.

MC BOY: BUT IT’S EASY TO FIND A BUNCH OF THEM GATHERED IN ONE PLACE

THE INTERNET: Children and gangs: Is your child gang member material? Children join gangs at a young age. Gang members use a variety of methods to recruit new members into their gangs. Find out how they do it!

DJ AAK: That didn’t seem like such a good thing when they were kicking the crap out of you.

MC BOY: LETS RETURN SHALL WE TO THE SUBJECT OF YOUR UNDERPANTS

#28.
DJ AAK: I don’t think I’m cut out for this violence thing.

MC BOY: LADIES LOVE COOL NON-VIOLENCE

THE INTERNET There are bad girls, and then there are the girls of Larkhall women's prison facility. This gritty, award-winning hit British series explores the never-ending drama that occurs between inmates, correctional officers, and prison administrators. From the manipulative and maniacal Shell to the outspoken and compassionate lesbian Nikki, these women take drama, love, and betrayal to thrilling new heights.

MC BOY: MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE UP A WOMAN ACTIVITY LIKE KNITTING OR ROLLER DARDY OR PREGNANCY

DJ AAK: Yeah, or cooking and laundry.

THE INTERNET: Women do NOT belong in the military. The alarming number of rapes of women soldiers by their own male piers is reason enough to warn women against enrolling for the military. If your own team is going to attack you, what do you think the enemy will do to you? In addition, I firmly believe that Jessica Lynch was brutally raped in Iraq by the Iraqi men (but that is just my opinion). Women soldiers are nothing but a big tease to men who are already desperately missing their wives or girlfriends. Ladies, go be a school teacher; Let the men handle the men.

MC BOY: SPEAKING OF WHICH ARE YOU DONE COOKING MY LAUNDRY YET

DJ AAK: Why don’t you go mug yourself up some dinner, cowboy.

#29.
DJ AAK: Boy, there sure is a lot of violence on television.

MC BOY: THAT’S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT IT AND ALSO THAT I CAN REST MY DRINK ON IT

THE INTERNET: There is a common belief that television, films, video games, and even the nightly news are to blame for making children believe that violence is not only acceptable, but a necessary way of solving conflict.

DJ AAK: It seems like every time I turn it on there’s violence, mayhem and destruction.

MC BOY: BECAUSE SOMETIMES MY DRINK GETS TIRED SEE

THE INTERNET: The overall crime rate increased across Pennsylvania last year, while the number of homicides decreased by 5 percent, the state police reported earlier this week. While the number of murders decreased statewide from 759 in 2005 to 721 in 2006, the homicide rate climbed almost 8 percent in Philadelphia - from 380 murders to 406 - during that same stretch.

DJ AAK: But at least all that TV violence isn’t real.

MC BOY: AAAAAW WRASSLEBERRIES

#30.
MC BOY: SO EVEN ON PAY CABLE THE VIOLENCE IS ALL FAKE IS THAT WHAT YOURE TALKING

DJ AAK: Except the news, and the History Channel shows with the angry mustache.

THE INTERNET: Replacing conveniently manufactured myths with surprising and enlightening research, Jonah Goldberg reminds us that the original fascists were really on the left, and that liberals from Woodrow Wilson to FDR to Hillary Clinton have advocated policies and principles remarkably similar to those of Hitler's National Socialism and Mussolini's Fascism.

MC BOY: SOMETIMES I DON’T KNOW WHY WE BOTHER TO STEAL IT FROM OUR UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOR

DJ AAK: You know what I think would make you feel better? Rolling some hoboes.

THE INTERNET: Cocooning is the name given to trend that sees individuals socializing less and retreating into their home more. The creation of the World Wide Web (WWW), home entertainment technology, advances in communication technology (cellphones, PDAs, and Blackberries) which allow "work-at-home" options, and demographic changes have made cocooning an increasingly attractive option.

THE INTERNET: You make me so lonely baby/I get so lonely/I get so lonely I could die.

Comments

( 5 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )
lester22
Oct. 5th, 2007 04:11 pm (UTC)
Thank you. I had been waiting for another installment.
ludickid
Oct. 5th, 2007 04:13 pm (UTC)
You're welcome. It's even better now that I've deleted the lines from the last installment that I forgot to overwrite.
perich
Oct. 5th, 2007 04:23 pm (UTC)
I like the Internet as a sort of narrative ellipsis between MC BOY's absurd id.
slammerkinbabe
Oct. 6th, 2007 05:12 am (UTC)
This is so awesome.
crepedelbebe
Oct. 8th, 2007 01:27 am (UTC)
AAAAAW WRASSLEBERRIES

Just had to see that again. Thanks.
( 5 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )

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flavored with age
ludickid
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
Ludic Log

PROPRIETOR

Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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