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Aaaaaaaaaaht

So, as you may know, I was planning to submit something to calamityjon's Halloween art jam. The problem with this is that I can't draw. I mean, I really, really can't draw. At all. I'm not going to say I suck, because that would be an insult to people who merely suck. Nonetheless, I gave it a shot: I wrote a whole funny script about a guy whose office is taken over by zombies. This was the easy part because it didn't involve any drawing. Then I tried to draw it and discovered that:

(a) I can't draw
(b) my inability to draw is even worse than I remember from the last time I tried to draw something
(c) my script involved drawing a lot of fairly complex things that I wouldn't be able to handle even if I could draw
(d) which I can't.

I tried to draw it in a more 'cartoony' (read: uncomplicated) style, but I realized that no matter how far downwards you define the definition of the word 'drawing', I cannot do it. If I were to attend an art class targeted at 4th-graders in which the first assignment was "draw, with the aid of a template, a convincing smiley-face", I would fail.

So, sorry, calamityjon, I'm sure this is gonna break your heart and all but you'll be getting no drawing from me this or any other year. I do have some pens I can let go cheap, though, because just touching them makes me want to bust out crying.

Here is the logo, which is the only part of it that I can stand looking at without wanting to hang myself, and it's not very good. This is the BEST I CAN DO, is what I'm saying.

While I was at it, I doodled some pictures of MC Boy and DJ Aak, stars of a webcomic I came up with that doesn't have any pictures. After looking at these, you will see why I chose to make a webcomic with no pictures.

Also, since one of the poll questions today was screwed up, here is a substitute that will allow you to express your contempt for my shitty, shitty drawing in words chosen by me. Enjoy.

What does this art do for your appreciation of my webcomic "The Adventures of Internet Featuring Outer Space North Koreans DJ Aak and MC Boy"?

It makes me hate it even more than I already did
0(0.0%)
It makes me love it even more than I already did
9(42.9%)
It makes me want to urge you to never draw anything again
1(4.8%)
It makes me want to urge you never to draw OR write anything again
0(0.0%)
It basically just makes me want to die
1(4.8%)
It makes me want YOU to die
0(0.0%)
I can no longer look at anyone else's art seriously again, because yours is so great it is better than anything ever
1(4.8%)
I can no longer look at anyone else's art seriously again, because yours is so bad it has annihilated the very concept of art
1(4.8%)
I'm sticking to my previous pattern of not saying anything at all because I can't say anything nice
5(23.8%)
other (see Comments)
3(14.3%)

Comments

( 24 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )
oilyrags
Oct. 15th, 2007 06:05 pm (UTC)
As a non-writing man who would also like to contribute something to the halloween art jam, I sure wish there was some solution to both our problems.
calamityjon
Oct. 15th, 2007 06:14 pm (UTC)
Since I think Leonard was the only other guy planning to contribute to this thing, I SURE WISH THERE WAS TOO.

If I'm the only guy contributing stories to my own collaborative jam project, I think it officially becomes a roaring failure ...
ludickid
Oct. 15th, 2007 06:17 pm (UTC)
Not as roaring a failure as it would be if I contributed to it, clearly.
ludickid
Oct. 15th, 2007 06:18 pm (UTC)
Well, you'd have two weeks to turn it around. And you'd have to improve on my own art, which I think you could probably do even if you were take three, four bullets to the temple.
oilyrags
Oct. 15th, 2007 06:21 pm (UTC)
Let's zombie up, then! I mean, I still owe that High Hat article, too, and I'm trying to find a place to move, and also this weekend I'm signed up for a space at our local 24-Hour Comics Day Event, but what's more likely to get me off my ass* - having nothing to do or having too much to do?

* or more accurately, on my ass in front of the drawing board.
ludickid
Oct. 15th, 2007 06:23 pm (UTC)
I don't know anything about your ass and that's the way I want to keep it.

I'll get you the script in a couple days.
oilyrags
Oct. 15th, 2007 06:40 pm (UTC)
I don't wish to boss you around, but I think it's worth considering that since there isn't a lot of time, maybe "Marvel Styling" it would be a bit faster.
ludickid
Oct. 15th, 2007 06:44 pm (UTC)
Uh...you did what to who now?
oilyrags
Oct. 15th, 2007 06:47 pm (UTC)
You know - instead of full script, gimme a plot and script my pencils.
calamityjon
Oct. 15th, 2007 06:23 pm (UTC)
Is it 24 Houir Comics Day already? Or is this just a local thing?
ludickid
Oct. 15th, 2007 06:25 pm (UTC)
It's this Saturday, hoss.
oilyrags
Oct. 15th, 2007 06:33 pm (UTC)
To elaborate on lou dick's reply:

http://24hourcomics.com
vito_excalibur
Oct. 15th, 2007 06:10 pm (UTC)
Y'know, I could tell those were bones. Therefore there are at least a couple of third graders you're ahead of. Courage!
ludickid
Oct. 15th, 2007 06:17 pm (UTC)
THEY'RE NOT BONES! THEY'RE TREES!
rjwhite
Oct. 15th, 2007 07:37 pm (UTC)
Hey, Kid Koala! I forgot him!

So, are those some sort of hi-tech space shirts that randomly display the names of musicians?

Also, why did you not draw the internet?
ludickid
Oct. 15th, 2007 07:43 pm (UTC)
So, are those some sort of hi-tech space shirts that randomly display the names of musicians?

Yes, RJ. That's exactly what they are.

why did you not draw the internet?

Do you know how long it would take to draw the whole internet? Also, as I may have mentioned a few times, I can't draw.
mckennl
Oct. 15th, 2007 07:56 pm (UTC)
I've seen worse drarings, and on the internets.
ludickid
Oct. 15th, 2007 08:00 pm (UTC)
Somehow that does not make me feel any better.
hipsterdetritus
Oct. 15th, 2007 08:38 pm (UTC)
I could totally imagine those renditions of MC Boy and DJ Aak on the back cover of some long-lost early '90s hip-house album.
ludickid
Oct. 15th, 2007 09:06 pm (UTC)
The Museum of Left-Handed Compliments called and want to talk to you about making that comment part of their permanent collection.
thaitea
Oct. 15th, 2007 11:44 pm (UTC)
I think your drarings are adorable and not nearly as abysmal as you think they are.
slammerkinbabe
Oct. 16th, 2007 12:27 am (UTC)
Dude, you just have to stop ragging on yourself and start owning your style. Scale down the details in the pictures of DJ Aak and MC Boy and make your "stylistic quirks" (i.e., what you think of as your inadequacies) your signature. Honestly, if Toothpaste for Dinner, xkcd, etc. can do it, you totally can.

Also, on a brief Google of webcomics I found this thing, which, I mean, stealing the exact idea wholesale would not be a good idea, but it's a neat alternative way of getting images. You could take pictures of modified Barbie dolls and a little computer or something.
moondispatches
Oct. 16th, 2007 01:30 am (UTC)
You need to draw a picture of The Internet.
clh22
Oct. 16th, 2007 01:56 am (UTC)
You have to stop thinking that the drawings must be "good," and free yourself from that tyranny.

I don't know what a Halloween art jam is, but I drew this:

( 24 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )

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flavored with age
ludickid
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
Ludic Log

PROPRIETOR

Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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