ME: I hate people who do that thing.
MY BRAIN: But you do that thing!
ME: That thing? Me? No! Not never!
MY BRAIN: Very much yes that thing.
ME: It cannot be.
MY BRAIN: And yet it is.
ME: Well the people who do that thing, the other people, they are worse.
MY BRAIN: It seems improbable.
ME: Quiet, you.
ME: Whine, whine, whine. Quit your whining, Whiney.
MY BRAIN: To whom are you directing these exhortations to whine nae moor?
ME: To Whiney, the whining whiner. What a great heap of Mary is he.
MY BRAIN: Well, that's shown him. What shall we do now?
ME: Let's us write a LiveJournal entry about how hard is our life.
MY BRAIN: You...you suck. You suck.
ME: Oh, me. I was smart and funny once.
MY BRAIN: That's not how I remember it, and I'm in charge of remembering things.
ME: I'm in charge of pouring gin on you until you throb like a fat man's pulse after walking down a flight of stairs.
MY BRAIN: Good point.
ME: I'm a monster. I hurt everyone I love.
MY BRAIN: What can I say?
ME: The bastards. Fuck every last one of them.
MY BRAIN: I'm going to just take a nap or something.
ME: I wonder if you can eat coconut flavored tanning lotion?
MY BRAIN: Yeah, you figure that out, Larry King.
ME: You know what I like is marijuana. Smoking it.
MY BRAIN: At last! Common ground.