?

Log in

No account? Create an account

JUMP BACK | BE FORWARD

A White Man Complains About Racism, Part 3

I work on the edge of downtown, so there are a lot of tourist-oriented bars and clubs in the area. Now, as we know from ego trip (or, you know, from just going to clubs), the #1 thing banned at discos, more than guns or digital cameras or cocaine, is black people. That's why you have all these elaborate dress codes: they're designed to keep out the brothers without actually getting the club sued for a civil rights violation.

But there's one club that has really accomplished something special in this regard. They've compiled a list as elegant in its poetry as Pound, and as stringent in its color bias as a paper bag test. This is what the sign outside says:

NO LONG SHORTS

NO LONG SHIRTS

NO BACKWARDS BALLCAPS*

NO JERSEYS

NO GANG LOGOS

NO RAP SHIRTS

NO BAGGY PANTS

NO TRACKSUITS

NO GRILLS

NO EXCEPTIONS!


Wow! Somehow they left off "NO CORNROWS", but you have to admit, that is one starkly effective way to say "NO NIGGERS" without leaving yourself vulnerable to prosecution.

*: I particularly love this one, because it implies that by the simple act of turning your hat around, you magically become a decent human being who should be allowed to mingle with white ladies.

Comments

( 65 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )
(Deleted comment)
ludickid
Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:16 pm (UTC)
My guess is that they mean a shirt with a rapper/rap group image or logo. You know, the stuff that darkies like.
perich
Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:07 pm (UTC)
an expanding list
NO SHIRTS WITH BABY PICTURES ON THEM AND TWO DATES, NO MORE THAN 20 YEARS APART, CONNECTED BY A HYPHEN WITH SOME QUOTE FROM AN R&B SONG
ludickid
Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:16 pm (UTC)
Re: an expanding list
NO SHOELACES THAT ARE, FRANKLY, LONGER THAN A SHOELACE REALLY NEEDS TO BE
Re: an expanding list - perich - Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: an expanding list - rxgreene - Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: an expanding list - ludickid - Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:38 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: an expanding list - rxgreene - Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: an expanding list - hipsterdetritus - Oct. 23rd, 2007 07:04 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: an expanding list - littlewashu - Oct. 23rd, 2007 07:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
archaica
Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:10 pm (UTC)
To be fair, the whole backwards-ballcap thing cuts across racial lines to exclude jackasses of all hues. But yeah, basically, dick move.
ludickid
Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:17 pm (UTC)
I'll bet you cash money that they let white guys with backwards ballcaps in there. Or at least let them turn their hat around.
BLANK - archaica - Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
calamityjake
Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:11 pm (UTC)
What a bunch of assholes. I wish there were bars that discriminated against drunk fratboy assholes.
calamityjake
Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:11 pm (UTC)
I forgot to use elegant variation in that comment. Forgive me.
BLANK - ludickid - Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - marciamarcia - Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - ludickid - Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - calamityjake - Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - garbagedog - Oct. 23rd, 2007 07:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - drownedinink - Oct. 23rd, 2007 07:16 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - marciamarcia - Oct. 23rd, 2007 08:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - pr1ss - Oct. 23rd, 2007 08:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - ponygirl118 - Oct. 23rd, 2007 08:50 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - marciamarcia - Oct. 23rd, 2007 09:04 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - thisblankpine - Oct. 23rd, 2007 09:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
tritium
Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:15 pm (UTC)
NO TRACKSUITS

I know it says NO EXCEPTIONS! but I'm fairly confident that they'd let in a skinny blonde white girl in a velour tracksuit.

While your head is exploding, you might want to read about the exploits of Oklahoma state Representative Rex Duncan. Or maybe not, if you don't want to read about a lawmaker expounding on how a Christian Bible is acceptable, but the Koran is not.
ludickid
Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:19 pm (UTC)
Yeah, as I noted above, my guess is that all of these rules are frangible if you happen not to be black.
BLANK - doraphilia - Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - marciamarcia - Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:38 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - doraphilia - Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - ludickid - Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - johnnylemonhead - Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - picodulce - Oct. 23rd, 2007 07:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - calamityjake - Oct. 23rd, 2007 08:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
hey! i DID give up on going out! - picodulce - Oct. 23rd, 2007 08:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - johnnylemonhead - Oct. 24th, 2007 02:26 am (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - johnnylemonhead - Oct. 23rd, 2007 08:10 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - drownedinink - Oct. 23rd, 2007 07:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - mckennl - Oct. 24th, 2007 01:08 am (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - johnnylemonhead - Oct. 24th, 2007 02:28 am (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - mckennl - Oct. 24th, 2007 03:34 am (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - lester22 - Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:52 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - doraphilia - Oct. 23rd, 2007 07:13 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
BLANK - tritium - Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - ludickid - Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:24 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - marciamarcia - Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - ludickid - Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:43 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - drownedinink - Oct. 23rd, 2007 07:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - krinndnz - Oct. 23rd, 2007 08:23 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - ponygirl118 - Oct. 23rd, 2007 08:54 pm (UTC) - Expand
rxgreene
Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:33 pm (UTC)
Devil's Advocate
Here's the thing - I spent some time talking to cops from Iowa and Texas, and they have found that the majority of problems they have in clubs is when people of differing attitudes (Hicks, Spics, and Blacks were the exact words used) mix. Usually someone gets stabbed. This is not to say that any one of these groups had any trouble keeping the knife-sticking in another guy confined to their own ethnic group when isolated, quite the contrary! However - More stupid fistfights (or worse) broke out on account of one of "Your kind messing around with mine" be it looking, talking, or breathing the same air.

I am certain that a white guy would have a difficult time walking into a club the accepted the above exceptions were he dressed in a Stetson and a Nudie suit.
ludickid
Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:41 pm (UTC)
Re: Devil's Advocate
Well, the obvious solution, then, would be to ban white people.
Re: Devil's Advocate - rxgreene - Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
roninspoon
Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:34 pm (UTC)
So what? Uncle Toms are cool?
ludickid
Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:41 pm (UTC)
I can't wait until this town catches up to hip-hop fashion and they discover that lots of young black guys are wearing polo shirts these days. That'll really throw them for a loop.
proud to be of the "start shit" race - picodulce - Oct. 23rd, 2007 07:52 pm (UTC) - Expand
picodulce
Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:38 pm (UTC)
NO OAKLAND RAIDERS GEAR

NO SHINY DIAMONDS OR FAKE DIAMONDS ON MEN

HAIR MUST BE OVER 1 INCH IN LENGTH

NO AIRBRUSHED T SHIRTS OF AALIYAH OR BIGGE
ludickid
Oct. 23rd, 2007 06:42 pm (UTC)
NO AIRBRUSHED T-SHIRTS, PERIOD

That'll take care of the Hispanics.
BLANK - easyalchemy - Oct. 24th, 2007 04:11 am (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - rum_holiday - Oct. 23rd, 2007 07:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
BLANK - krinndnz - Oct. 23rd, 2007 08:27 pm (UTC) - Expand
cassandraleo
Oct. 23rd, 2007 08:27 pm (UTC)
OT, but you'll probably appreciate this.
ponygirl118
Oct. 23rd, 2007 08:49 pm (UTC)
So they'd kick me out just for wearing my favorite shorts? Ha!
yuriverse
Oct. 23rd, 2007 11:09 pm (UTC)
This is why I eschew clubs and just do bath houses. Men of all races, in teeny white towels. With a dress code like "teeny white towels", everyone tends to get along famously.
asataylor
Oct. 23rd, 2007 11:18 pm (UTC)
Best solution so far.
( 65 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )

Profile

flavored with age
ludickid
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
Ludic Log

PROPRIETOR

Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

Latest Month

December 2016
S M T W T F S
    123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow